Tag Archives: Spouse

Dear Jack, I think it’s about that saying about knowing how to be abased and how to abound. Finance is a major thing in marriage. I’ve told you that before. Not properly handled it can dislocate a marriage.  It’s wise to know where your wife is coming from. It will help you understand her attitude to some things. You can see for example that she’s particular about financial security for the family. It’s because of what she deems her father’s mistakes. When you know where your wife is coming from you will have insight into her motivations and fears. For instance she’s against relatives coming to stay over during vacation. That’s coming from somewhere, she’s not being difficult. Continue reading →

Dear Jack, to be honest with you, I find the whole thing a bit troubling. And on many levels. I’m not saying you shouldn’t take advice on marital issues. You should, discriminatorily. But you have to take responsibility for your life. You’re already thirty.

You have this woman you’ve been dating. You clearly love her and she loves you too. You’re hoping to marry soon. Suddenly, out of the woodwork come all these accusations about her. There are sudden proclamations of her unfitness as a bride by certain members of your family. The logical response to a levelled accusation is requirement of proof – facts that can be corroborated. So far none has been offered. All you have are anecdotal proclamations – opinions essentially. Opinions can be dangerous. Opinions don’t require proof. Everyone is entitled to one even if it amounts to a lie.

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My dear Jil, I will be failing in my duty as your mentor if I do not present an accurate and complete picture of life to you. The very nature of life can get lost in the crack of discussions about love and marriage. Such discussions naturally evoke imageries of romanticism, beauty, love and harmony. And yet all those are contextualised within a frame called life.

Here’s the thing about life: Life is tough! Man is born unto trouble. Only the strong survive. You must be strong. You must survive. You cannot afford to be weak. You cannot afford to give up. You cannot afford to turn back.

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My very own Jil, my one in a billion… It is that time of year again, when men express their feelings of love and appreciation to their woman. As I have done in previous years I write you once again, not just to express my love to you but to tell you how much I appreciate you.

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Jack, there’s a balance somewhere and it’s not always easy to find. You don’t want to be isolated as a man, but at the same time you don’t want your wife feeling threatened and insecure. Both of you have to work out a balance, you have to develop and nurture mutual understanding. Put first things first – your wife has to be #1 in all you do. That’s non-negotiable. Continue reading →

Dear Jil, your ex can’t be looming in the background of your marriage like a recalcitrant demon. Your ex can’t be featuring in your marriage like some malodorous atmosphere. You’re going to break your marriage. You’ve got to learn to let go of your past relationship. It’s gone. You’re married now, to another man. You’re just going to bring complications into your marriage hanging on to your ex. Continue reading →

Dear Jack,

I know women draw up lists but knowing what I know about life, I smile at such gestures. Life is not a supermarket. We have our wishes no doubt, but life often has ideas that render lists redundant.

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