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Tag Archives: Unhappiness

My dear Jil, I think you’ll be making a huge mistake if you go ahead and marry this gentleman. The issues will only get magnified in marriage. He’s not satisfied with you, you’re trying to adjust furiously, you’re not really yourself in the relationship. And in spite of all the adjustments things are still not okay. No adjustment can cure the fundamental problem in this relationship. And the fundamental issue is, you don’t love him, you just want to marry. You’re tired of waiting for Mr. Right. That’s never a good basis for a marriage. Essentially you’re marrying any man. It could have been anybody within a certain range. There’s no proprietary affection. Here’s the problem with such arrangement: once the wedding is over your strategic objective is fulfilled. There’s incentive for wedding, no incentive for marriage. But you have to cope with marriage. You don’t wed and walk out. It’s not wise to marry someone you don’t love. It soon shows in marriage. After some point you’ll get irritated. The alternative is for you to put up with the situation but that’s risking your emotional health. You’ll be flirting with depression.

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Dear Jack, you can’t afford an unhappy partner. You’d be playing with depression. She’s going to drag you down into a subterranean dark alley. It’s a place off the grid, a pit – a very dark jail. She’ll sap the life out of you, sap all your vigour. You’ll just know you’re growing dull, your energy being depleted. By the time you’re through with the relationship, you’ll be a husk of your self. Your health would have been destroyed. Deeply unhappy people have this conversation going on in their head. It’s a conversation no one knows anything about. An unhappy person lives in a world of interpretation. Everything is interpreted. And so facts turn into another set of facts. Your health won’t survive living with such a person. You’ll always be on the defensive, and the facts won’t matter. It’s those interpretations of facts that are true to her. They’re what she works with. Innocuous acts will take on new meaning. There’ll be negative interpretations attached to simple facts. The thing about such people is that they’re constantly accusatory. It’s their thought process. Anything you do will be turned into an accusation. And if you’re exonerated she’ll create another premise of accusation. You can’t win. Continue reading

My dear Jil, adultery won’t solve this problem. It will only compound the issues. And you have to understand the hypocritical make-up of human society. The woman is always guilty of adultery, never the man. That illogicality is millennia old. Remember the story of the woman caught in adultery… the one brought to Jesus for confirmation of death sentence? “Teacher, this woman was caught in the act of adultery. The law of Moses says to stone her,” they said. As if the woman slept with herself, but that story illustrates the pious discriminability of a male denominated society. If the story ever gets out, and I pray to God this gentleman of yours is truly a gentleman, society will roast you. Continue reading