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Read Letter


My dear Jack,

Today I want to share with you the feedback I got from a young woman on her first date with a certain gentleman. The crossing of their paths began fortuitously in an ice cream parlour. 

She was tired and he offered some polite words of comfort. As you very well know from Solomon, kindness makes a man attractive. They exchanged phone numbers and he promised to call. And that’s how he got his date. On the date she noticed he was the touchy feely type, and she took judicial notice of that fact in judging his character. 

Soon enough, he began to lay claim to her body in creeping gestures in the blackness of the darkness of the movie theatre. In man-think in certain circles, that is a compression of introductory period and a duely served notice of intendment. But in the circle of dignified women it is an impolite and disrespectful behaviour, especially considering they just met. She got the impression that this gentleman was only interested in sleeping with her and she asserted her boundaries. Nonetheless she gave him the benefit of a second date to erase her benefit of doubt. And our gentleman who clearly saw himself as a man’s man behaved true to type, once again!

To pep her up he regaled her with prurient manly stuff about his friends. Maybe he was just making conversation. But you know that rule about you talking and me thinking and evaluating your talk? Well, she began to wonder about his values as he continued to commit verbicide. It was a tale of show me who you are by the friends you keep. He then proceeded to invite her to his house for dinner for the next date. He probably wanted to impress her with his cooking skills, or show off his apartment. Images of waking up the next day without a memory of yesterday flashed before her eyes. She politely but emphatically declined the date and closed the chapter on our gentleman.

It was a quiet decision and like many clueless people our gentleman, if you can call him that went on planning the third date. According to her, he had the looks, had the talk, had exposure and had only one thing on his mind. I am not sure this gentleman wanted a true relationship. A flaming sexual fling, yes. But a wholesome relationship? I doubt.

And the flames will die when he meets the next woman at another ice cream shop. I think he objectivises women as puns of sexual ventilation. He clearly got ahead of himself on several instances, giving the wonderful lady a price tag that read cheap.

But I believe better things of you Jack. I’ll advice of five things:

1) Treat women with respect. Your mother is a woman, as are your sisters and aunties. 

2) Treat women the way you’ll like your sister and daughter treated.

3) If you can’t respect a woman don’t date her. You’ll damage her worth and esteem eventually. You don’t want that conscience.

4) Don’t date someone you can’t marry. You may end up paying a very high price. 

5) If you choose to sow wild oats, just remember that what you sow you’ll reap.

That’s all I have to say today. I’ll write you again next week.

Your mentor, LA. 


©Leke Alder 2013

Tags : Gentleman, Respect, Kindness

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