My dear Jack,
You’re a victim of Lagos Landlord Syndrome (LLS). It’s a term I coined for your situation. What’s LLS you ask? I’ll explain.
Sometimes a house is so run down and so dilapidated it can’t be let. That can happen if the landlord has fallen on hard times, or the last tenant was destructive. A house that is not maintained suffers ruin. Then comes a gracious tenant who renovates the house and makes it habitable again. He restores it back to its former glory, even beyond. No one recognises the house again! It moves from a state of ichabod (departed glory) into a new era of glory. And what does the landlord do when next the rent becomes due? He jacks up the rent significantly! Sometimes outrageously and atrociously. He totally discounts the contribution of the tenant. May even give him quit notice in deference to an offer of higher rent. It’s almost as if the tenant is being punished for his investment in the restoration effort. He suffers punitive damages for his effort and care. That is the Lagos Landlord Syndrome (LLS).
Unfortunately some ladies suffer from LLS. They can’t handle glorification. They amass negative energy from affection and reward the man who treats them nice with devaluation. They somehow forget history, like the woman who looks at herself in the mirror and promptly forgets what she looked like. They begin to take the man for granted, afterall, his love is constant and independent of variables. Over time they become disrespectful. The praises and affection become the fuel of devaluation. (I believe this is called “see finish”). Somehow those praises are read as weakness and the kinder the treatment, the more ignominy received. Of course not all ladies are like this and I don’t want you to generalise from your experience! That’s wrong.
There are two variants of LLS – the mild and the potent. Mild LLS manifests from a sincere lack of wisdom. It commences with the woman beginning to take the man for granted. In the order of priority, he increasingly comes last, like a redundant thought in @Leke_Alder’s manuscript.
In potent form however, the man receives unkind treatment, becomes despised and eventually hated. LLS is actually a manifestation of pride. It IS symptomatic of pride. The man treats the woman like a queen but instead of being appreciative of him, pride takes over. She begins to behave like she’s doing him a favour. She treats him like a four letter word, the one commencing with “s”. A guy gets confused in such a situation. He’s financing his own devaluation. The danger about pride is that it is blinding. It creates a new reality and faith in that new reality creates grief. And many times the pride is based on nothing!
Men suffer from LLS too! They can’t appreciate the woman who cares for them and treats them nice. She buys things a lady shouldn’t be buying into the house yet they take her for granted. “If she’s doing all those things, she must be crazy about me; can’t do without me”, the reasoning goes. They then proceed to treat the woman badly, begin to chase other girls as spares, sometimes with her resources or car! This can arise where the man is down on his luck, or hasn’t even taken off; where the woman is trying to help her man! (Just don’t understand some people!) Many men are praying for such women and you have one and you treat your relationship with caducity?! (Let me spare you picking up your dictionary. Caducity is the quality of being transitory or perishable). It’s a matter of time before you lose her and a worthier man wins her over. The man won’t believe his luck because as usually happens in life, he’s probably just left a relationship with an LLS sufferer! And when two LLS victims unite, O what a glorious surfeit of pedagogic appreciation! The lady finally gets who she deserves and who deserves her!
Personally, I think it’s perverse to treat someone nice to you with disdain, like a leper! Don’t join the League of Inglorious Dastards – those who act underhandedly. They only value things after loss.
The greatest killer of a wonderfully potentiated relationship is pride. A swollen head is oblivious to the yearnings of humility. You have to develop a humble capacity to handle praise and adoration. If there’s something to beg God for in life, it is for Him to keep you from pride. Pride indeed goes before a fall. Open your eyes to the worth of your woman. (The woman ought to open her eyes to the worth of her man too!)
Value what you have, celebrate your blessings, be appreciative of love, adore affection, be humble.
Your mentor, LA
©Leke Alder 2013