My dear Jack,
I’m glad you found my last correspondence to you so insightful. I suspect you must have shared it with a few of your friends. I got a lot of feedback on Twitter and Facebook.
Today, I want to give you insight into a woman’s perspective on arguments, to let you know how women argue. If you’re going to have a wonderful relationship with that lady of yours, you must acquaint yourself with this knowledge. You relate to a woman with knowledge.
A man’s approach to issues is so different from a woman’s approach. And in an argument, both sides talk at cross purposes! (They actually talk about different subject matters!)
Men argue syllogistically. It’s A+B+C…Therefore D! That’s the structure of a man’s argument. Very structurally logical. But women don’t argue that way in a relationship. Outside a relationship they use structural logic but not in a relationship. Women bosses for example use structural logic in their work; but not in a relationship. Don’t ask me why. That’s just the way it is! (There are many things in this life you just must accept for what they are. Don’t trouble your soul about them).
Now while a man follows structural logic in an argument, a woman follows the LOGIC OF HER EMOTIONS! A woman’s emotion has logic! That’s right! Let me illustrate. If your girlfriend’s sister comes visiting and blocks your driveway, a man will argue that such a course of action is unreasonable. But a woman will argue upon the fact that you called her sister unreasonable! She’s emotionally attached to her sister and the logic of her emotion is that you can’t abuse her sister! Clearly you have two different arguments going on. There can never be reconciliation! And the average man will wonder how an argument about a blocked driveway became an issue of insult to family!
It is at this point that other instances of your disregard for other members of her family come up! And that is why men feel that women import strange case studies into arguments and fights. Maybe so. But the fact remains that there are two different arguments going on. You’re arguing at cross purposes.
You must learn not to use emotive words in getting your point across to a woman. That requires discipline. A woman will take it personal and the logic of that feeling will lead to other places. If you shout at her or get angry while getting your point across, her hurt feeling will create another emotional logic.
Don’t tell me, I know! You can only relate with a woman with knowledge. You need knowledge of her powers and makeup, knowledge of the map of her emotions, knowledge of her sexuality… It is instructive that sex in the Bible is always described as a knowledge exercise. Adam “knew” Eve his wife, the Big Book says. We call it carnal knowledge. Essentially, sex between a man and his wife is a knowledge adventure for the man. A woman is a school.
Don’t be presumptuous about women. Take time to study your woman. A woman is a whole university of knowledge, a deep well of information. To access her intuition, you need tuition. I wish you the best in your relationship.
Your mentor, LA.
©Leke Alder 2013