My dear Jil,
Today I want to share with you about the scent of a woman. Oh no, this is not an olfactory exercise in aid of a designer perfume. I am writing you to help you understand your capacities as a woman in the light of your impending nuptials.
A home must be full of love, peace and harmony. Believe it or not you’re the chief determinant of the ambience in that home. That’s because of your inherent capacities.
You have certain generating capacities. You’re a powerful conceptual entity, purpose-made according to Genesis. And we subscribe to this Biblical philosophy. By the way, I see so much confusion about the status of a woman vis-a-vis a man. It is only within the context of marriage that the woman is subordinated governmentally to the man. And it has nothing to do with superiority or inferiority. It’s a local government organogram.
God believes in government. He believes in order and clear reporting lines in institutions, and marriage is an institution. Headship is a governmental device. It is a delegated power and responsibility conduit. The laws governing marriage are very distinct from the paradigm of boyfriend/girlfriend relationship whose paradigm is in turn distinct from the paradigm of ordinary boy/girl relationship.
Boyfriend/girlfriend relationship is a state of mutual delight. It is the womb of connubial possibilities. Call it an MOU (Memorandum of Understanding). A man is not the head of a woman outside of marriage. Men of course watch out for a woman’s governmental disposition when considering marriage. It’s fair!
Conceptually, the woman is the designated helper within a marriage. It’s both a role and ministerial appointment. The notion of the man as helper or stay at home husband is secular theology – belongs to the class of exotic sociologies. I have no apologies about not subscribing to it. Those who do should indulge me my constitutional right to my faith.
Now, a woman can’t be a helper without capacity. You’ll be a liability. A woman is thus potentiated with capacity. A woman has the capacity to create an incubation environment for a man to thrive in as an idea. (The man was an idea before he became a personage).
This capacity of the woman about which we speak is unimaginable. We don’t pay enough attention to it. A woman has the incredible capacity to fill a volumetric space with what is inside her. Be it a small home, or mansion, or palace, a woman can fill it up with her “ether” (aether). In Physics, aether is a medium that permeates all space and transmits transverse waves. Never mind the Physics. The operative words are “permeates” and “transmits.” It’s why I used the metaphor in parallel.
A woman has the capacity to generate an “ether”, and she has the capacity to transmit it to any part of a volumetric space. Men don’t have this capacity. It requires an incredible amount of energy. Men don’t have this energy or transmitting power. If a woman generates a mood for example, that mood will fill the house like a dark cloud on a terrible night in Exodus. No matter the remoteness of a room in a house the transmission will get there. Have you ever visited a home and there is this warm welcoming feeling, like you stepped into warm honey? The woman of the house generated that ambience, not the man. It came out of the abundance of her heart.
If you check out such a woman, you’ll find she’s a loving and kind person. And patient and considerate. You’ll find she never keeps a record of wrongs. There’ll be an airiness – an incomprehensible peaceful ambience.
But when you go to a home with strife, where the woman is not happy, or resentful or angry, the atmosphere will be depressive. There’ll be so much negative energy. You can feel the strife in the air that you can almost handle the letters of alphabet of argument. It’s why some men run away from home. It’s also why some run into the bosom of another woman, some to beer bosoms. Solomon actually advises men to seek refuge in the rooftop from a quarrelsome woman.
A wise man will do all he can to keep his woman happy. It’s health insurance! Am I saying that men don’t generate strife in a home? Of course not! Many men do! Some men are in fact very oppressive. But a man doesn’t have the capacity to generate volumetric energy. Can’t sustain it. It will break his health. Can kill him!
It’s unfortunate that some women understand this energy generating capacity in the negative. They deliberately use it as an instrument of control, and to draw attention, and I’m not talking about coy moods here. I’m talking about the industrial strength variety. It’s a perverse expression of request for attentiveness. If you’ve ever lived with a moody woman, or you work with one, you’ll readily understand what I’m saying.
You don’t want to fill your home with that kind of negative energy. It zaps the will of a man. Can send him to an asylum.
Moodiness is the original killing me softly! An acutely moody woman is usually a very controlling person. And generally insecure. She doesn’t know it but men are very sensitive to such energy generating capacity. Strikes mortal fear in men! The man knows that such a person can keep malice for very long periods and is unforgiving. Such women repel suitors unawares. Moodiness gives power but it’s a destructive and oppressive power. It never generates happiness. Leads to clinical depression.
I’m saying you have this incredible capacity to fill your home with the ambience generated by your thoughts. You can either fill it with unforgiveness, strife, debate, disharmony, contention, unhappiness, depression, or you can fill it with so much love, so much peace, so much harmony, so much beauty, so much kindness, so much warmth…
You transmit what is inside of you. If you have bitterness in your heart, you will fill your home with bitterness. If you have unforgiveness in your heart, your home will be tense, and full of unforgiveness and harshness.
Summing up, I’d say you’ll do best by filling your mind and meditating on things true, noble, reputable, authentic, compelling, gracious – the best, not the worst; the beautiful, not the ugly; things to praise, not things to curse.
Happy nuptials in advance!
Your mentor, LA.
©Leke Alder 2013