Register here

Register using an email address

Terms & Conditions

Already have an account? Login here

Register using a social network


Login using your email address

Keep me logged in
Forgot your password?

Login using a social network


Read Letter

Date A Gentleman

Dear Jil,

There are no two ways about it – your now ex-boyfriend is a rapist! He raped you! The fact that he’s your boyfriend doesn’t make it any less rape. Forced sexual intercourse is rape.

The movie fantasy of a woman capitulating to orgasmic sex after struggles against rape has misled many young men. Those movies have sold a lie that violent sex defines primal pleasure for women. The fantasy suggests that the act of “punishing” a woman with afflictive intercourse is strength of virility and manhood. I suspect this combination is what eventually played out in your rape. This apart from his lust crazed libido. It’s why he kept telling you, you know you want it despite your struggles and protestations to the contrary. It’s a porn fantasy that has become a cultural meme. I pray God heal you of this trauma. I wish you had exercised better judgment about going to his room that night.

That he at least stopped after breaking your hymen with his fingers can only be attributed to providence. Like the blood of Abel crying for vengeance from the ground, your blood seemed to have intimidated him to estoppel. The messiness of the bloody outflow bid him stop, crudely jerking him away from demonian derangement. Surely you don’t rape a woman you want to marry! That should tell you this young man’s hymeneal state of mind.

You were naive. You hardly knew this guy! Your relationship was hardly months old! You shouldn’t have invited him for the weekend holiday with your friends. As it is the facts are stacked against you. Our society is so tolerant towards the abuse of women the syllogistic justification for rape is befuddling. Some will perversely deduce you wanted sex and that is why you went to his room that night. They presume lack of innocence when a woman visits a man in his hotel room at night. It’s why rape is so hard to prove in general, not to talk of within our environmental and cultural context.

You have generations of young men tutored in this philosophy of justification of rape: That once a lone girl visits a lone guy in a lone room on a lone night, she got her comeuppance! Now you see why I say values and character matter. If a boyfriend lacks both he will traumatise your life.

I think the battle against rape will not be won until we go after erroneous sexual fantasies in young men. These fantasies are the root cause, along with cultural norms and family tutorials by fathers battering mothers. Young men have been sold violent sexual fantasies – the ripping of bodice and panties… Team abuse of women, asphyxiation… It’s Gothic romance – a bodice ripper porn fantasy.

“Civil rape” – rape by trusted individuals – is now an epidemic. If you discern that the only reason a guy is with you is for sex, you should be wary. Don’t expect fidelity from a guy who’s only interested in sex. Any disappointment and he’ll seek out an alternate.

The sexual psychology of the male species is largely opportunity seeking. Without regulatory framework, it is animalistic and predatory. But you can’t let this guy hold up your life for life. You don’t want a rapist to define the rest of your life. You must not allow! Don’t be afraid to date. You just have to be more discerning. Never presume character. Trust is earned. Be as wise as a serpent but be gentle like a dove. It’s a smart combination. And don’t formulate a philosophy about boys and men from this experience. “Men” didn’t do this to you. A terrible character did. If you formulate such a philosophy you will become bitter, locked up in cynicism. And what you want will elude you.

The pattern I’ve noticed is that Satan usually sends a Beelzebub after innocent youth just to mess up their lives. They mask their character by paying forward with niceness, showering gifts and help. These gifts are baits. They hibernate, watching for opportune moment. Once they deflower or impregnate the mask comes off. And you realise you’re dating a child of the devil. He begins to manifest his father’s traits. Oh, the stories I’ve heard! But at least some are apparent!

Don’t lust after bad boys. They’ll bring you grief. A good boyfriend will not introduce you to drugs. He wants to WRECK your life! RUN!!! (…voluntarily pulling your ears!) If you left your shoes or any item (including your virginity) behind while running, don’t bother to go back! Remember Lot’s wife! Have you seen the film, Never Die Alone? Starring DMX? 2004 movie. Directed by Ernest Dickerson. It’s an adaptation of a novel of the same name by Donald Goines. Read the synopsis on the web. That film sums up my Beelzebub hypothesis. How many young lives have been so ruined, promises snuffed out.

Date a gentleman – one who respects you, one who respects womanhood. Become wise.

Your mentor, LA.


©Leke Alder 2013




Tags : Rape

Post Your Comments Here