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Read Letter

Chapter 4

This Valentine edition of #Letr2Jil is dedicated to my beautiful Jil, my wife, my soul mate and one true love!

He turned to CHAPTER 4 of the book, flipped the page forth, and then back, and began to read:

My very own Jil, I sat up in the middle of the night watching you sleep, my heart a-wonder. I looked at your face. It was pure, peaceful, loving and trusting. Even in the middle of the night. There you were shorn of make-up. You’re one of those women without need of augmented reality. Your face looked fresh, young, child-like – a wonderful reflection of the beautific and seraphic quality of your heart. I turned to stroke your face, my every stroke bristling with powdery ounces of love and affection.

As I looked at you, for the umpteenth time, my thought muttered to my thought, “God has been kind to you!” We sometimes imagine we deserve the good things life brings our way. But how untrue! A posture of entitlement degrades our ability to say, “Thank You, I’m most grateful!” Who can ever deserve another human? And who can ever deserve someone as special as you!

Here I am thinking of us in many ways, in many dimensions – who we are, what we are, what you mean to me… There is of course that needfulness of women men struggle with…the need for constant assurance. Yes, I do it, but you really don’t need those from me. I couldn’t leave you even if I wanted to. And I don’t ever want to! Who’ll care for me like you do? Who’ll love me the way you do? Who can invest her all like you did? I know that I know that I know you’re my one true friend in this harsh terrain called life. You’re my co-traveller, confidante, companion, love and kindness.

My heart often wanders to that picture we took, in Venice, the one with your head proudly and gently on my shoulder. It’s my most beautiful possession of you in pixels. It captured a wondrous moment in our life. Your face looked happy, contented. I’m proud to be the man in that picture. Who wouldn’t be! Were I stranded on a desert island, that picture is all I’ll need. With it I’ll find my way back, back to you my love. You have given me more than I ever asked for. You’re my living biological dispensary of happiness. You’re that one person I can’t do without, don’t want to do without. Your friendship and capabilities are MY assurances. Your love is my native habitat. And after all these years I still want no one but you. The peace you bring to my life, the stability, kindness, care and compassion… It’s not so much what you do but who you are. You’re the most loving person I know. You’re the most absorbent person I know. And you’re the most sacrificial person I know.

Our home is filled with airiness and love because of you. The atmosphere is free of rancour. It’s why I look forward to coming home everyday, just to be with you. You filled our home with invisible smiles. I do know our love is baffling to some. They don’t understand, can’t understand. But what does it matter! It’s enough I have you. Your commitment to our love is so fundamental, and so forceful it gives my heart no choice. Despite your talent in love, you still work so hard to make us work. I truly appreciate that. Because of the peace you bring, the peace you are, I have so much peace in my life. And everyday I get to know you more, to know you better. The sincerity of your heart is raw and true. I never want to make you cry, never want to see you cry, never want you to ever cry. I just want you safe and happy.

I look back on that day you walked into my life, unknown and unbeknownst. Now, it seems so matter-of-factly. But who’d have thought that was the beginning…of something precious and marvelous? Now my memory laughs at me. My life was full of pain and trauma but you loved it all away, nurtured me to health with your love and commitment. If my life journey terminates now and I am no more, I am more than grateful…for the love we’ve shared, the life we’ve lived. Please look beautiful at my funeral. I demand it of you, though you don’t like me talking about death. I must concede like any other mortal that death can separate us. But life will never separate us.

The world talks about your physical beauty. If only they knew how much more beautiful you are on the inside. You’re my angel sent from God, my gift of life, my love, my all! Through your love I’ve come to appreciate more the things that matter, the things that truly count. The sun is rising as I write, peeping behind the wooden slats of life – a harbinger of promise, and hope. I dream for more. You make me possible, allow for me to be me. You celebrate the essential me. I find full acceptance in you. My dedication to your happiness is my reciprocation. I love you so much my darling! Please don’t ever change. Don’t ever not be you – this beautiful, wonderful you.

The journey of life is rough, though smooth in places. The love we have is life’s shock absorber. Sometimes the ride is so bumpy, so bumpy it knocks my head against the metal canopy of the caravan of life. I do know we’re on a safari, surrounded as it were by the surprises of the exotica of life. The verdant plains lie beyond the faintness of the hills. We will arrive at the promise of the promise.

How like the picture of humans in a mobile metal cage we sometimes are. My giftings make us so. We’re on unrequested display, everyone curious at the nature of us, how come. Everyone gawking at us. Being in an open cage is not an easy life to live, it’s not an easy existence. What with all eyes on you. But I think we’ve done well my dear. And we will do even better. I see you’ve accepted our lot as life. All we need, all we really need, is one another. Our love is more than enough.

I tell you all these things because couples don’t tell each other enough about each other. Until it cannot be said again. Then there are regrets about the unsaid that should have been said. And the unsaid become redundancy. Couples sometimes major on what shouldn’t be said, leaving what should be said unsaid. We always assume tomorrow will always be. Yet tomorrow is not subject to us. What if there’s no tomorrow? And so this Valentine, I just want you to know that I love you, will always be there for you, and for us. And my love will never wane. May it continue to grow deeper and stronger, vitaminised by your affection.

Your darling Jack. XXX.

He put the book down, exhaled his thoughts into his cranium, and began to ponder the richness of sincere expression.

© Leke Alder

Tags : Valentine's Day, love letter

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