My dear Jack, don’t play with little things in your marriage. It’s the little things that are dangerous. We don’t pay enough attention to dangerous clues – the little big things that matter to our spouses. When your spouse mentions something that obviously hurts her you ought to pay attention. If you allow the issue to fester, to grow unattended it may end up wrecking your home. You’ve got to be sensitive to what your spouse tells you, especially emotive mentions. If for example she mentions casually you’re neglecting her you better pay great attention. If untrue and it’s just a function of perception and you let the mention go unchallenged it will assume the status of fact. In a marriage, untrue words need to be countered, lest they fester and become poison. The heart of man is an incubator of thoughts and ideas. The mind incubates both true and untrue words and realities.
When your wife has an untrue perception of a situation you better counter it. Or it will become truth to her. Perception is reality to the perceiver, even if the perception is wrong. It’s why you need to counter untrue utterances especially those that are uttered with deep emotion. At the point of utterance they’re like suggestions in need of corroboration. Your silence is corroborant. If for example she says you don’t value her enough, you must do something about what she said. If the statement is true then you’ve got to alter the state of affairs. You must not only value her, you must show her you value her, and show the world you value her. But if untrue you better counter it with words. Words are powerful, ideas are dangerous. We all get ideas, and ideas get suggested to us. Sometimes people suggest ideas to us maliciously. Some people are so evil they will give us information about our spouse with malicious intent. If someone says he saw your wife with someone, that should ordinarily mean nothing if it’s a business lunch. But the spirit in which it is said will give you a clue about the motivation of the bearer of the bit of information. I saw your wife with someone is not the same as I saw your wife with “someone”. Motive of informant matters. When people claim to be helping you in your marriage the opposite might indeed be the reality.
Check the motivation of men. Motive affects the quality of a piece of information about your spouse. If you don’t examine the motivation of men innocuous facts about your spouse will assume virulence. For reasons we don’t know except to call it evil, some people just set about destroying other people’s marriage. They use the power of suggestion to destroy marriages. They create doubt using verifiable facts. They’ll mention a fact, but with a hint of the unsavoury, expecting you to latch on to the negative insinuation. Because the facts upon which the insinuation is laced are actually true many people are fooled. Say someone tells you she saw your spouse at the mall, with somebody. You have to be careful about such a piece of information. It can be dangerous. The information would ordinarily have been okay if the person had just said, I saw your wife at the mall. But, “I saw your wife at the mall with this guy I don’t know” is a different thing. Highly suggestive. You have to be wary about that “friend”. That “information” he gave you is laced with evil intent. For all you know your spouse went to the mall with a male colleague to give her advice on buying you a present. Or the male colleague asked her to come along to help him pick a present for his girlfriend. Now, the busybody that gave you the information about sighting your wife at the mall is not open to such possibilities. Her poisoned and evil state of mind automatically assumes something funky must be going on. In your mind you have to counter that kind of information with what you know about your wife. If she’s dedicated to you and you know she loves you to death you better reject the SUGGESTION of infidelity. A foolish man will comes home and begin to query the wife about the circumstances, using accusatory tone. If she mentions she’s been at the mall that becomes corroborative fact. And if she fails to mention she went to the mall with her colleague it’s of course assumed she’s hiding her guilt. And that’s how some men wreck their marriages. Women too. They act on the evil hints of others about their spouses. You better steer clear of that woman, the one who gave you the information. She doesn’t mean well for your marriage. And for all you know she’s envious of your spouse. Why she’s trying to wreck her marriage.
Be wary of those who suggest things about your spouse that are contrary to the truth you know. They’re trying to wreck your home, wreck your marriage. The motivation of the heart of man is deep. Uproot the suggestive lie/seed of doubt planted about your spouse. Don’t water it by thinking about it. Just dismiss it! One of the best ways to discourage suggestive lies about your spouse is to dismiss the talebearer ignominiously. Stay with what you know about your spouse – the attestations of her character. Don’t accept dangerous insinuations. That woman is trying to make you distrust your wife, make you feel she’s hiding an affair from you and that you’re a fool. You have to wonder why the woman didn’t walk up to your wife at the mall to say hi. Why not if she meant well! The refusal not to do so already betrays prejudicial motive. It reflects the true state of the heart of this woman. Be mindful of envy. Those that are being envied are sometimes so clueless and so naive they can’t discern malice. Envy many times is portrayed as “help”. The envious pretends to help you, pretends to be a “good friend”. How many women have lost their homes to unsavoury suggestions of the envious and wicked, how many men. How many people have lost wonderful spouses to the unsavoury hints of so called “friends” about their partners! Reverse the equation. Would you like your wife to act on the unsavoury suggestion of the wicked about you? Friends don’t wreck their friend’s marriage. You have a good woman. Don’t lose her to personal stupidity, believing the suggestions of the wicked.
Your mentor, LA
© Leke Alder | talk2me@lekealder.com