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Read Letter

Dating A Con

My dear Jil, come on, think! Should you be relating to this sort of fellow! One expects a guy that age to be fairly settled. He’s in his forties. Not only is he unsettled and very under-achieved, he’s trolling young girls on Facebook. At 40? From onset all he’s been interested in is sex, and extorting money from you. That’s all he’s been interested in. It’s reasonable to expect at 40yr old man to have his act together. If he were in employment for instance, he should be in senior management with his education. And if in business he should have achieved some milestones. Isn’t that the basis of that famous saying– a fool at forty is a fool forever? Society expects you to have put your act together at 40. And yet this man has no regular income. He has no business, and he’s not in any definitive employment. He’s playing silly games on Facebook with young girls at forty and you’re entertaining him! I don’t blame him, I blame you. Are you so starved of affection that you’ll entertain advances from any man, even one of ill repute? And he has the temerity to show you his nefarious historicity in pictures with various women and you don’t know to run! So what’s he really offering you? He has no money, has no plans. He’s just a parasitic philanderer. So what exactly are you going to get from this relationship? All this man does is demand money and sex.

A red flag should go up in your heart from the very onset when a man begins to demand money from you. This man sees you as no more than something to be exploited, and he takes you for a fool. If you get into this relationship, what exactly is the potential? And where exactly is it going to go? Altar? He will sleep with you, take your money, block good prospects, waste your life and mess up your emotions. Surely you can see that this man is up to no good and he’s a despoiler of young women. How is it that you even entertained this up-to-no-good man in the first place? He looks guiltier than sin. Oh, he said some sweet stuff to you, not so? But he has no substance to back the sweet nonsense he’s mouthing. How did you end up going to the house of this cretinous fellow? Shouldn’t you have some dignity? All he does is demand money for one hair-brained scheme after another. So how’s the relationship going to be? You’re going into a demand and supply relationship. He makes demands and you supply.

Let me tell you what will happen. He will make lying protestations of love to you. Then he will sleep with you. You will not only drain your bank account, you will borrow to finance one lie after the other. He’ll tell you about his “sure banker” business ideas – all billionaire club standard. He will tell you how he will take care of you no end when the money arrives. He will promise you private jet treatment and shopping sprees to exotic capitals of the world. Like a great apostle he’ll anoint you minister of finance for his lies and schemes. He’ll update you ever so regularly with progress of proposals to be sent to government agencies. His business proposals will sound incredible for the very simple reason they are not credible. He will tell you he needs additional money to push the proposal from one table to another. He will tell you he needs to buy a suit to go and make presentations, as well as a shirt, tie, shoes, socks, and even perfume. You don’t go and make a multi-billion dollar proposal in a ten-dollar shirt he’ll say. Before long you’ll be financing his food, wardrobe, transport and even the sex. Of course doing his laundry. Any time you don’t give him money he’ll blackmail you emotionally, tell you how you don’t believe in him and his dreams. He’ll tell you he’s only doing all the stuff for you, and for your joint future. Then he’ll tell you to go and borrow additional money from your friends after exhausting yours. You’ll never be economically balanced. This guy will continue to drain you. Of course by this time you’ll also be cooking for him, entertaining false dreams of becoming a supportive wife. You would of course have picked up his rent, though gradually. It will start with asking you for additional make up sum. Of course while you’re away at work, he’s sleeping with silly girls in the rent you paid, on the sheet you bought.

He’ll appeal to your kind-heartedness, your desire to build a home and contribute Mother-Theresaishly to a man’s life. He’ll appeal to your desire to give a testimony of how you married a man who had nothing but you believed. And when your parents find out the charade and oppose he’ll accuse them of tribalism, or worse. He’ll tell you he’ll make it, your parents’ support or not, and he’ll take good care of “his woman” who believed in him. And the fool that you are you’ll keep gulping up his lies and his schemes though you know better in your heart. And that’s because you desperately want to believe something, and desperately want the similitude of affection. You desperately want to be loved, and for that you willingly fell into the hands of a desperado. Does it seem right that a young lady should be taking care of a 40-yr old man with no discernible life program or income? This guy is an emotional con artist, and you’re not going to be the first young woman he’s predaceous with. Why are you so desperate? You’re young! Why the rush…the desperation to have a relationship at all costs? This is not a relationship you’re going into, you’re going into a trap. Sex is the bait. Because you have made so much down-payment on his deplorable scheme, you’ll stay hoping to redeem your deposit. Of course you’ll never be able to redeem the sex or devotion. This guy is just going to use you.

I expect you to be wiser than this. I don’t expect you to fall for this kind of scheme. Why don’t you take yourself out of desperation. You’re the one mounting pressure on yourself. Life is not a sprint. It’s a marathon. Run from this wicked man!

Your mentor, LA

© Leke Alder |

Tags : older man

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