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Read Letter

Simple Interior

My dear Jil, it’s so important to have a simple interior. It’s critical to marriage success. As it is now your interior is so convoluted it rivals the notion of conspiracy theory. You see suspicion in every thing, can’t have simple faith in people. You’re all so convoluted. Even a compliment arouses suspicion.It’s first read as denigration, until realization dawns. And so every one has to defend their actions before you, everyone has to justify what they do or say. And it doesn’t matter who. Your suspicion is non-discriminatory. You’re just suspicious of every one. As far as you’re concerned everyone wants to take from you, to get something from you. Even people you’ve known for 20years, who’ve never cheated you, in life or business. You’re suspicious of them. In other words you live in a constant state of unvocalised accusation. The irony is that they’re the ones who should be suspicious of you, yet they don’t. They maintain their state of heart.
Your suspicious nature has altered your personality. In a bid to protect yourself you’re not straightforward. You’re not straightforward because you morally see obfuscation and deceit as defensive manoeuvres. To mask your direction you squirt black ink into the medium of life like an octopus, to confuse everyone. And so simple things end up being convoluted. You miss out on the simplicity of life. And you’ve created a siege mentality for yourself. It’s why your armour is always up. The sad thing is you’ve practiced this lifestyle for so long you don’t know any other way to relate to people. And so your love life suffers. The man is guilty until he proves himself innocent, on everything. And so if he buys you a present you wonder what he really wants. He must want something. You miss the simple joy of the receiving and giving of presents. A suspicious mind misses out on simple joys.
In order to protect yourself you tell unnecessary lies, and send people in the wrong direction. What then happens is that you end up tying yourself up in your own web of lies and deceit. How do you think you come across to others? Especially those on the receiving end of your deceit? Yes, I do understand one or two men might have targeted you in the past, after all you’re doing well in business. But do we then tar everyone with suspicion just because of one or two bent individuals? Don’t we then create impossible loops for a good man to pass through in trying to filter out the bad? All those loops remind one of the Olympic rings. That’s what you’ve turned even dates into – love Olympics! And the man begins to wonder if this is how it’s going to be always. At the bottom of it all is your insecurity. It’s what’s making you suspicious of everyone. You can’t imagine altruism of anyone, yet you want YOUR altruism accepted and appreciated.
Unfortunately many of the things you do come across as manipulative and “smart”. You might not have meant it but that’s what your philosophy of life produces. Your insecurity is such you can’t imagine anyone wanting you despite your colourful past. But that’s not true. Who doesn’t have a past! Surely, there’s something about you that attracts all those men. Those attractive qualities will also attract the unsavoury. That’s the nature of life. If you have wonderful qualities both the good and the bad will be attracted. You just need discriminatory capacity. But you don’t go around suspecting EVERYONE. You won’t like it if you’re so suspected. Suspicion is also some form of control mechanism for you. Allows you to retain control in a potential relationship. But that control comes at a cost. And you risk ending up with the very thing you’re trying to avoid. Your strategy of suspicion will keep keeping good men away. Relationship with you is too convoluted. As it is the man who will date you has to have a missionary disposition. He must believe that’s his calling in life. And he must be very forbearing and patient. And very understanding. He must also have a strong sense of self, or he’ll always have to wonder what he’s done to arouse suspicion.
And so you’re working against the very thing you want – a loving, trusting, fiduciary relationship. Your thought process being lined with suspicion is too convoluted to birth a trusting relationship. It’s like twisted entrails. And again, don’t get me wrong: I understand you’re trying to protect your core. But Solomon said the integrity of the upright preserves them. In other words, if you want to preserve that core from abuse you have to have integrity. It’s what preserves you not suspicion. This gentleman wants to date you, but you’re turning it into an arduous task. He doesn’t want anything from you. He has his own means. And he’s quite satisfied with what he has. But he’s genuinely concerned about dating an insincere person. He should be. Insincerity is not a weapon to be used in a relationship. It can’t produce a honest relationship. The very idea of a dishonest relationship is such a misnomer. An insincere relationship is full of suspicion. The parties can’t trust each other. Because you don’t trust yourself you can’t trust others, including the trustworthy. Why don’t you try a suspicion free day, you know, try and see genuineness in what people do for you, for a day. You’ve helped so many others some people just want to show appreciation. Stop suspecting their motives. Or should they also have suspected YOUR motives? A suspicious nature kills trust in a relationship. Besides, it’s unhealthy.
Your mentor, LA
© Leke Alder |
Tags : suspicious nature, insecure

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