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Read Letter

This Biggie Of A Life

My dear Jack, I think I’ve told you this before, not sure… Life has secret corridors. Life is a virtual reality geography, and unfortunately we don’t have a map. All we have are certain coordinates to well worn paths. Nobody has a map of the terrain of life. We do know however that if you follow a certain course in life you will end up in good places. And we also know that if you follow another set of routes you will end up in very bad places in life. And so even though life is so vast, the paths taken by those before us give us an idea of what paths to follow or not follow. The great coordinates of life’s geography are values.

Nothing defines our route in life more than the values we practice. Hardwork, discipline, respect for others, courtesy, contentment, faithfulness, loyalty…these are good values. I do appreciate the fact you feel lost in life. Life can seem that way. It’s the vastness of its geography. It’s like you don’t have any direction, don’t know which way to go. It’s can be scary, even alarming. And you can be lost in translation. The signs are there but you can’t make head or tail out of them. It’s at those moments we feel helpless, especially when things are not going according to what we envisaged. It would seem you don’t even know what to do, or where to go. You become so desperate. The irony of life is that people around you won’t know what’s going on inside of you. Only the perceptive will. Compound that feeling with the loneliness that comes from not having your own woman and it feels like crisis. At least if there’s somebody by your side she’ll be a realism you can relate to. When we don’t know the way we won’t know whether to turn right or left. And even if we did we won’t know how. It’s like waking up the next morning and everyone has moved out of town. And all familiar marks are gone! All you can do in those moments is to keep introspecting. And being diligent and faithful at what you do. No young man really knows how he’s going to get from where he is in life’s geography to where he wants to be. All you can know is that you want to be successful: you want to make it. And to make your life count. Many times the circumstances of life extenuate the vision of success. It’s always like that, don’t panic.

If you’re diligent at what you do and you keep doing good, somehow you’ll arrive at that future. Even you won’t know how you got there. No one can know. Who could have fathomed Bill Gates would become what he became. Not even the man. The man was not that visionary. He didn’t even see the internet coming! What we do know is that he took what was in his hands seriously, and he somehow arrived at his future. Take whatever is committed into your hands seriously. Treat it like it’s all you’ve got. It’s all you’ve got! It’s about those values… Diligence, hardwork, resilience, stick-to-it-tiveness, loyalty, faithfulness, honesty… Yes, things like skill, intellect, learning and networking matter, but those values are the real subtext. Think of life’s secret corridors as wormholes. Wormholes are…Never mind, look that up. It’s Physics. I’m just trying to answer those silent but loud questions of your heart, address your fears. There are questions in life you can’t even articulate, yearnings, which cannot be framed into interrogations. In this wise you’ve got to be mindful of who you yoke yourself up with. A woman is a determinant of destiny. If you doubt ask Adam. And it could have gone either way. Partners determine each other’s destiny. So it’s not really about “marriage”. Marriage is the engineering construct. It’s a life engine. It powers you. The quality of life engine determines whether you continue to sputter on one spot and how far you go. And if the engine is knocked you’re stuck. That’s what a bad marriage feels like. You’re stuck. We tend to think marriage is the end all and be all but it hardly is. It’s a means to higher ends. It’s a tool of purpose. For men marriage can provide stability and focus. And at least the spending becomes directional. For many men it means less eating out, and healthier diet too. And the care provided by a loving spouse is invaluable.

That someone cares for you and cares about you can be so empowering and invigorating. It’s a huge comfort. That you can bounce an idea off your spouse is a huge deal too. There’s that thing about the power of two. When you combine peace, love and joy in marriage it’s incredibly exhilarating. You create a medium of attainment. It’s why I tell you don’t go into a marriage you know you’ll have no peace. You can’t function as a man. Love matters a huge deal no matter what people say. That feeling of being loved, of soothing and kind words, soothing affection, soothing concern. That phone call that just comes when you’re harassed by life. Very important! And to know that someone is your friend, that someone is looking forward to seeing you when you come back home. That you’re going to share a meal with someone at the end of the day. And you can go to the movies together, or take a stroll together, or watch TV together, or do nothing together. Love is that powerful. Of course love is built. There’s the requirement of effort. Love fails when one just expects…without putting in any effort. It’s no longer love. A selfish love has to be the biggest oxymoron. It’s why it doesn’t work, why the other party feels cheated. And by the time your girlfriend is seeking to amass power by withholding affection something is going terribly wrong.

Withholding of affection is a contradiction to the generosity of loving affection. If you sense withholding of affection it’s a pointer to the fact you may have a miserable marriage. Your emotional needs can’t be met. You’ll always be wanting when your partner withholds affection. In conclusion, don’t sweat life. Keep those precious values you have. Somehow you’ll come out okay.

Your mentor, LA

© Leke Alder |

Tags : Values

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