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Read Letter

Happiness and all That Jazz

My dear Jil, I did warn you about this guy. Wish you’d listened to me. The guy doesn’t love you. He just wanted to use you, and you knew that. Funny I spend more time trying to dissuade young people from making ruinous marital decisions than on any other issue. If I were you I’ll proceed to church to do thanksgiving it didn’t work out. Stop crying. God delivered you. Of course it’s a painful thing to have a crashed relationship. Unless you weren’t invested. Hope deferred makes the heart sick.I understand you really wanted to marry. But you can’t marry under these conditions, and to such a gentleman. The only reason he wanted to marry you was to avoid marriage to the girl he impregnated. Even you knew that. You knew something was wrong judging by his haste. I mean he was gone for so long and suddenly he was back, ferociously. You were his marriage avoidance scheme to the young woman he inseminated. In other words, he had no intention of marrying either you or the other girl. You were just a tool of annulment. He had gotten caught in his own contrivances and devices. The other girl nailed him down essentially.

The quality of man you marry matters. And you deserve more than this man. This guy will mess you up. Besides, you clearly didn’t know him. This guy thinks he’s smart. And he’s playing around with girls’ lives. You’ve got to get out of your besotted infatuation; that ‘no matter what you do to me I’ll always love you’ mindset. That avowal of love is stupidity I’m sorry to say. It’s straight out of a romance novel that is not in touch with realism. It looks good on paper, reads good on paper but is a terrible philosophy of life. Will produce devastation in the real world. What you’re saying essentially is that if this guy dumps that other girl, you’ll take him back, yet again. If you pursue that course, you must really hate yourself. You’ll be the dog going back to its poisonous vomit. God is working so hard to prevent damage to your life but you’re working so hard in the opposite direction. And that philosophy of marriage as a cross being espoused by your aunt I really don’t understand. Is marriage supposed to be a burden or what? Is it meant to be trauma or a trial? I don’t know the source of this philosophy.

The philosophy suggests marriage is some type of customized curse. You better not buy into that kind of thing. Those who spout such philosophy are many times regurgitating their own painful experiences. They have terrible marriages, don’t know what to do and so created a coping philosophy which they now espouse as gospel. A God who encourages his children to go into hell must be sadistic. I mean, is God Moloch? Moloch is the abominable Canaanite god whose appeasement requires child sacrifice by fire. How can God be leading you to go into a horrible marriage? Why would God seek to make your life hell! You have to be very discriminate with the advices you receive on marriage. You have to check motivation. I’m shocked members of your family encouraged you to go into marital furnace. Clearly they just want you to marry irrespective of your happiness. The advice they gave you essentially foreclosed happiness in marriage. Like a lamb they were leading you to the slaughter slab of depression. You should never compromise happiness in marriage. That’s an awful bargain to strike and you may not survive. What’s the point of marriage without happiness! Why would you go willy nilly into marital depression?

When you’re not happy in marriage your health suffers, your life turns to pain, life becomes a film negative. Happiness is so critical in marriage. The opposite is not unhappiness it’s depression. Of the clinical variety. You gamble your life away going into an unhappy marriage. You’re going to pile a ton of deadweight on your soul. And the thing about the cause of marital unhappiness is that it camouflages. The source is always complex. You’ll be so caught up in the unhappiness looking for a way out you don’t even have energy to trace the source. By the time you realise the cause of the unhappiness, the damage is done. Your psyche is bludgeoned. Blunt force trauma. By this time, time has elapsed. And by that I mean your life. You may end up popping antidepressants. Marital unhappiness creates a lethargy no earthly vitamins can invigorate. You’ll be under a cloud, like some heavy load dropped through your head into the middle of your head. You’ll have no energy whatsoever. You won’t even be able to fight for your life. You’ll need a lot of help for that. Now you can understand what God delivered you from. Please stop crying. The right man will come. Don’t be desperate. Don’t trade happiness. It’s not worth it.

After the wedding you’ll be confronted with the quality of your spouse. The pain of being married to someone who doesn’t love you is unimaginable. If you doubt ask women in that situation. When there’s no love in a marriage it can easily become despite. And hatred. If I were you I’d cut off contact with this guy. He’s still coming back. As soon as he finds no joy in his betrothal. Block him on Twitter, mute him on Facebook, block him on WhatsApp, SMS, whatever! He wants to ruin your life. Don’t open up your life to an emotional abuser. Take a definitive decision to cut him off. It’s your life that’s at stake, not a ring. Don’t make the mistake of listening to his sorry tales. He’ll still try to manipulatively tug at the strings of your heart.

Go back to the original vision for your life – the one you edited to accommodate an incubus. Put your life back together. There’s a vision and a future. Before saying yes to another man, determine you’ll be happy first. If you’re not going to be happy don’t do it. You have a right to happiness. Don’t edit happiness out of your life. There are worthy men out there. It’s just the bad guys tend to get there first. Write me again soon.

Your mentor, LA

© Leke Alder |

Happiness is critical in marriage. The opposite is not unhappiness, it’s depression. Click To Tweet When you’re not happy in marriage your health suffers. Click To Tweet




Tags : Happiness

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