My dear Jil, was so nice meeting you in Houston! We were glad – wife and I. Told you you’ll overcome! Given all you’ve been through you can legitimately claim to be a conqueror. You can’t give up on your singing. You’ve got to keep at it. You’re a beautiful and talented singer! It’s important you sing so you feel fulfilled using your talent.
You need that for the sake of your marriage. Frustration from a feeling of lack of fulfillment breeds resentment in marriage. A wise husband won’t stifle his wife’s creative capacities and opportunities. A lopsided marriage is one in which the man is fulfilling his potential but the wife is prevented. Vice versa too. Couples ought to encourage one another to be the best they can be. The marriage is blessed. He can no more discourage you from singing than you discourage him going into politics.
Marriage is different paths yet one journey. Love is not stifling, love is not oppressive. And singing talent apart, you have the gift of your heart. Your sister tells me you’re such a generous soul. I have a feeling that’s what your husband loves the most about you – that giving heart of yours. But I understand the challenge of being unique. Can be hard to grapple with. You’re a purple sheep. The reason your life coordinates are not marked out over conventional terrain is because of those unique abilities. Stop worrying about trying to understand life. As Trump would say, life is too yuge! Just live!
Having overcome so much you should settle down and just live. Don’t you ever forget to live! Learn to accept the things you can’t change about life. Or about people. Life will never take on the character of the geography of your idealism. It contains human species. You have to accept the naturalness of evil in human existence. Then you won’t get disappointed. Life is a zoological community. It’s why people tear each other apart. It’s why there’s verbal murder. To seek to understand evil you have to reverse-engineer it, and that’s a tall order. Just accept the reality. There are certain motivations in man that can only be understood within historical spiritual context. Only way to explain evil. Envy is a difficult thing to understand for example. It’s a passion even the envious struggle to grapple with. So I understand what some of your friends did to you – what they said about you, about your illness. But you’ve got your life to live. And you have a spectrum of options before you. Use your talent. You’re a great singer. You just don’t appreciate how good you are. Why do you think the rest of us need a choir in church? Your talent is your unique qualifier. It will make a way for you, set you apart. For you, singing is how you get to be “yourself.” So sing and be yourself. There are people who don’t have half the talent you have yet they’ve made a great success of their lives.
But I’m not even talking about commercial exploitation of your talentﾅ I’m talking about talent as expression of self, expression of joy, celebration of life. I’m talking talent as expression of giving – giving of self, giving of soul. Being a life-giving spirit! Your singing will encourage victims of life, implant hopeﾅ You get to share understanding of life. It’s the telling of your life story, the bridging of divides, the healing of woundsﾅdeep wounds! These are what expression of talent does. And if you can make money from your talent please do. It’s easier to make money from something you love doing, something that comes naturally to you. And when talent is appreciated it is soul affirming. Makes you feel validated. It’s why applause is important. You’ve got a gift for the world. Give it! It’s how you get to become a gift. Same thing I tell those who can write. They’ve got to write. And the only way to write is to write.
In essence, whatever talent you have, use it. We all have talents. Some people just don’t appreciate theirs’. Cooking is a talent. If you doubt it, eat from an unpalatable concoction that must be consumed in love! There are hair architects – guys who can carve incredible shapes from a forest of hair. Barbing is a talent. Photography is a talent. There are wonderful people who know how to capture the emotions of light and darkness. There are those with special ability to care. Their hearts are unusually full of kindness. The giving of care is a talent. There are those who can sell. They have the gift of moving wares. Not everyone can. Trading is a talent. There are those who fight for causes. They have incredible energy. Activism is a talent. There are those who bring clarity to lives. They have the gift of unique wisdom. That wisdom is a talent. There are those with programming skills. They eat code, drink code, live in a matrix. Programming is a talent. We ought to use whatever talent we have. We must develop it, express it, bless humanity with it. It’s how to live.
When we don’t use our talents, we get bogged down with the quotidian demands of life’s ablutions, get depressed. Find your expression. If you do you’ll have found your self. And your life! Life is shorter than we realize. Use your talent. You don’t have all the time in the world. Make the most of the gifts God has given you. Leadership is a gift too. You don’t want to be old and then you reminisce in regret, stewing in pontifications about missed opportunities. So I expect you to sing at the Montreal Jazz Festival this year. And I expect your husband to support you. You will find fulfillment in your marriage and you won’t have regrets about marrying your husband. You won’t feel you gave up too much for the family, for that can create regrets too. Catch the sun in a bottle. Let its radiance light up the world around you. May your life be bright with hope and comfort. Your mentor, LA
@Leke Alder | talk2me@lekealder.com