My dear Jil, but he’s not a lazy fellow. In fact he’s a very industrious young man. Just got laid off. And that happens. I mean the economy tanked, banks downsized and he got laid off. Could have happened to you. Assuming it did, what would you have expected of him? Start berating you? This is the time to show you love your husband. He’s at his lowest ebb. He just lost his job. You should feel for him. There he was one day everything going right in his life, just got married to the love of his life…then suddenly this. Call it downsizing, rightsizing or whatever sizing is going on…as if it’s some shoe! Fact remains that at the individual level, rightsizing is not shoe fitting. It’s someone’s regular income gone!I would have thought you’d rise to the occasion at this moment, that you’d show support for your husband, encourage him. As a man he’ll be down, depressed. One day he has a job, the next he has none. Downsized. It’s not as if he committed corporate malfeasance or that he got laid off for poor performance. Loss of job will lay any man prostrate. The question of what you’re going to do next Monday automatically arises. Think of it: everyone goes to work, including his wife and he can’t go anywhere. He’ll need a few days to figure things out. And that’s where you come in. You step up to the plate. Marriage is a partnership. It just means both of you have to reprioritize things even as he tries to get his bearing. You have to cut down some expenses. You don’t have a full income, your income is halved. You have to stretch the budget. Your creativity has to rise. Let him admire you for that. It’s at this time of crisis you write your legend as a wife – a loyal, supportive, inspiring and covering wife. It is what you do at this time that will make him indebted to you for life – that you stepped in and covered his shame. So when his fortune returns, and it will, he will remember you as a true and loyal friend, a devoted and supportive wife. A friend is born for adversity. And you of all people ought to be his best friend in the time of crisis. He’s going through a lot, he’s panicking. You’ve got to speak words of faith to him, words of assurance. You’ve got to make him believe in himself. He can’t afford to lose faith in himself. That may lead to a meltdown and it will affect the marriage. He’ll have his moments of doubt, moments of fear, moments of unbelief in self…which is why he has you. You’re officially his encourager-in-chief. You ought to be. That’s what spouses ought to be to each other. You stand to lose the most from his demise, and you stand to gain the most from his recovery. So it’s in your interest to invest everything you’ve got to help him get back up.
As your husband is scouting for a new job, you ought to be scouting too. This is not the time to berate him, or reduce his manhood or castrate him. You’ll regret that later on. You ought to hold his hand and just speak words of faith into him. You must believe in him. But if you go fighting him now you’ll drive him out. He’ll stay out of your way, coming home late, may get into trouble. You need to get him moving, get him applying for those jobs, going for those interviews. And while he’s waiting he ought to do whatever is available, even if the money is not much. It’s something! With that little he can contribute at home so the emotional burden is not unbearable for you. Adversity is an integral part of life. Adversity is a reality of life. Everyone goes through one form of adversity or the other. Everyone. The genre just differs person to person. Many times the difference between those who pull through adversity and those who don’t is their partner. The right partner will pull you up during a time of adversity, but a terrible partner will pummel you into the ground. You don’t want this young man seeking to achieve out of revenge against you. Words are powerful. Be careful what you say at this time of crisis. Be patient, be gentle.
Of course you have your own issues. You have your own fears too. It will all pass. There’s what’s known as the bipolar order of life. It’s captured in this statement: “As long as the earth remains, there’ll be seed time and harvest, cold and heat, summer and winter, night and day.” In other words, the world goes through a polar cycle, and so we all experience polarities. And it’s the lessons you learn during this tough period that will equip you for life. Difficulties should drive you closer, not drive a wedge between you. You must work hard to make sure it is so. Anyone can be a buddy when things are good. It’s when things are tough you know your true friends. So are you going to be his true friend or not? Or are you going to be like the rest of the world?
Once word gets around he’s been laid off he’s going to be shunned in certain circles. That’s life! He should cut down on some of those socials anyway – the ones that are economic drainages. He needs to focus. I’m saying you have to be mature at this time. Not everyone has marital maturity. Some people are mature enough to get married but not mature enough to handle marriage itself. What’s happening in your home is really nobody’s business. You don’t owe anyone an explanation. The only people you owe explanation are those trying to get him a job. Some people just want gossip. Not every expression of concern is sincere. Some people are just looking for gossip leads. But you’ll pull through. These things happen. And this may be a propellant for him to start his own business. He needs to come up with a plan. That’s a priority. He must devise a plan.
I’ll also say prayerfully commit everything to God. You need God in crisis. All things will work together for your good. Send me a mail when he has a plan. And tell him to stay off alcohol at this period. Things can spiral from that. Your mentor, LA
© Leke Alder | talk2me@lekealder.com
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