My dear Jack, congratulations, you’re dating a goddess! And you and your family must worship her, do her bidding, or she won’t marry you. Well, that’s her attitude. She’s been cheating on you like someone trying to collect frequent flyer miles on infidelity. First there was the ex, then another guy, then another guy, and then another guy. And you keep begging her to marry you. She threatens either you marry her by a certain date, or she’s going to marry another guy. Shouldn’t that give you concern? Doesn’t that already tell you she’s two-timing you and that she treats guys as multiple choice questions? And now she’s come up with a marriage deadline, forcing you to cancel reasonable preparation for marriage and life. Yet despite blowing your plans and expending your all in order to marry her, she’s still not pleased. You can’t please her.How do you think you’re in a relationship with someone with multiple boyfriends? Which relationship! There’s no trust, there’s no loyalty, there’s no fidelity. So what relationship do you have? And then you beg and beg and beg, then she acquiesces. But not before sauntering off with another guy. You’ve even finagled a side job to earn extra income just to meet her needs. You’re going to kill yourself…and after doing all that, she’s wondering if she even wants to marry you. What have you gotten yourself into? Now when she goes into a tiff, you call your entire village to go beg her. So in marriage will you call the United Nations? And you’ve dragged your parents into it. They have chosen to do your biding like Samson’s parents about Delilah. But in the process you’ve dragged their honour through the mud. This girl is rude to your mum and dad. What a daughter-in-law they’re going to have! You’re going to spread pain and trauma all round.
If she’s still canoodling with her ex and ordering men like side dishes in a restaurant, do you expect faithfulness from her? But I understand how this can come about. It happens to young men. You’ve seen a beautiful girl.
You want to marry a beautiful girl, but the price is so high you’re up to your neck in debt. You’re desperate to marry her because she gives you the impression you’re not at the top of her consideration list. You consider yourself too lucky to have her. Even your commonsense is smitten. You’re not thinking straight. All that beauty without character is nothing but porcine quality, said Solomon. If you make a mistake of going into this marriage, you’ll sooner learn beauty is indeed skin deep…and you’ve gotten your emotions so wrapped up in her she’s toying with your soul. You’re emotionally drained running after this girl. You’re tired. Even after your emotional expenditure nothing is certain. She keeps dictating all these terms, many being reactions to her paramours. If you want honest truth, you’re going to suffer at the hands of this woman. But you’re blinded by your lust you can’t see it. You’re romanticizing pain and trauma. You’re in love with your imagination, not the real woman.
Why don’t you just go for what is good for you, for what is certain? There’s no certainty in this relationship with this girl before or after marriage. Why put yourself in such a situation? I’m equally worried you’ve dragged your parents into this. Parents must be respected. Your girlfriend has no respect for them. If she has no respect for your parents, I doubt she’ll have any for you. You have respectable parents. This lady is going to cheat on you, is already cheating on you, has cheated on you. She’s been with multiple guys, and you can’t handle the financial pressure she’s going to unleash. She’ll impoverish you. She’s going to come up with scheme after scheme you won’t be able to finance. Then you’ll be forced to borrow. You’re going to start living above your means if you marry her, doing what you can’t afford just to please the unpleasable. How does this even make sense? You’re ordinarily a level-headed guy. But this lady has fevered your brain. Aren’t you surprised she wants to marry you in the first place? I mean given all those options she said she has, why you? You seem to be the fall guy in a very sophisticated love pentagon. (This lady doesn’t do love triangles). Even if you buy her the world, the world will not be enough. Apologies to Mr. Bond. You better work her out of your system. All that “love” you claim to have, it’s nothing but emotions. I mean, how do you go into marriage with someone who feels she’s doing you a favour? You’re going to be treated badly.
In Greek mythology, gods marry goddesses. But you’re mortal, how are you going to marry a goddess? I wish you luck. She’s already told you that her family wants her to marry a “high level” guy. That should tell you what her family thinks of you. They don’t consider you the right prospect for their daughter, don’t see much in you, both now and in the future. What a ringing endorsement from your future in-laws! Till you die, you’re going to be trying to prove a point to them…and they’ll use that to exact upon you, make outrageous demands. She’s being empowered by her family. She’s actually ashamed of you. You’re not up to snuff in her estimation. But no other serious marriage proposal is forthcoming. Also, she lies! Lies about guys, lies about everything. You’re never sure what’s true and what’s not. And she’s so manipulative. She’s manipulating you and your family as it is. This is a very controlling woman you want to marry. You’re like a marionette in her hands.
Try and regain your senses. This is not someone to hitch your life onto. You can’t afford what you want emotionally and financially. You can’t afford her. It’s not a sign of nobility tolerating your girlfriend dating other men to your face. Some will consider such stupidity actually. Truth is, you don’t really know much about this lady, and you can’t trust her. If however you’ve decided you’re now a Greek god, then you can go ahead and marry the goddess. But remember, Greek tragedies are based on myths. A mere mortal should not marry a goddess.
Your mentor, LA
© Leke Alder | talk2me@lekealder.com
For related letters, search for Date A Woman Who Loves You, Love Makes All The Difference, at http://stepheni6.sg-host.com.
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Beauty without character is nothing but porcine quality. Click To Tweet