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Read Letter

The Love Of A Woman

Dear Jack, I think you’re conflicting sex for love. You don’t really know the love of a woman, just sex. You’re at that age testosterone is raging like a bull and primal desires are seeking to overrun your life. The love of a woman is much more than sex Jack. You don’t get it. To the woman who truly loves you sex is a sacrificial offering, an oblation – the religious giving of self.

The love I’m talking about… It’s having a dream and someone believes in that dream just because she believes in you. That love is about being lost and the only recognizable landmark is that woman. That love is about being afraid of the immensity of life and that woman is your only living assurance. That love is about wanting to turn back on the journey of life but the only word of encouragement is that woman. That love is about needing someone so desperately and the only volunteer for that role is that woman. That love is about searching for purpose in life and the only partner in that search is that one woman.

I’m talking about someone giving up her self for you… You’re the future she knows. I’m talking about waking up in the night and looking at that woman beside you and you feel deep gratitude. I’m talking about someone caring so much for you she gives up so much so you can be found. I’m talking about feeling so lonely and that special woman dissolving the knot of loneliness. You can only appreciate such love through your soul. It’s not through your eyes. I’m talking about someone loving you so much her destiny is fully merged with yours. I’m talking about someone willing and ready to pay a high price for loving you, a love so great and sacrificial. She accepts you for who you are not just what you are. She loves you like you’ve never been loved. You don’t know that love Jack. It’s not sex.

You don’t know what it means to have someone you can honestly call your own. I’m talking about someone who just gets you. She gets you instinctively. She’ll go with you through the deep sunless valley of the shadow of death, though afraid yet determined. The fearlessness of a woman is like a horse in battle. She’ll go to war with you if she believes in you. When everyone abandons you she’ll always be there. She’ll stay by you like someone who doesn’t know what else to do. She’s constantly thinking of you, thinking the best for you. She has such goodwill towards you.

No, the love of a woman is much more than sex. It is something deeper – a communion of souls. It’s a union of life matter; that love. Made of the substance of life. And that’s what marriage is all about. Marriage is not about the ceremony, it’s not the ring, it’s not the living together… Marriage is someone, that special someone making all the difference in your life. It’s a qualitative difference.

Marriage is being with that someone, this special person you don’t want to do without, don’t ever want to be without. In marriage, you’re with this someone who makes you happy. That’s what it ought to be. There ought to be happiness. In marriage, you’re with this someone who’s oblivious to all the goings on, who just wants to be with you.

When you get to understand marriage as I’ve described, you’ll realize petty fights should not separate couples. That’s because they don’t want to be without each other. Either life will not be complete otherwise. None of those sexual conquests you boast about, none can give you these things I’ve described. That woman is a secret elixir. And she’s a gem, a rare gem, a gem you don’t want to lose. When you meet that someone you’ll realize how implausible it is for you to have met without orchestration. You’ll see the design of life – how our journeys are orchestrated by forces beyond us. Marriage shows you that. Then you’ll understand why she was so persistent, so patient, and so confident in her love for you. You’ll realize why she just seems to understand and accept things, just seems to do the right thing by you. You’ll realize why your relationship is just what it is, why it’s ordinarily unattainable. Then you’ll realize how you could have missed marrying her, and what result would have followed.

As you mature in her love for you, you’ll realize how wrong you were using those other parameters. You’ll realize how magnanimous God has been to you giving you that woman. All that sacrifice, all that identification, all that understanding, all that accommodation… That’s the love of a woman. When you meet the woman I’m talking about, it will all just seem so natural, all so easy. No contrivances. No, you don’t know the love of a woman Jack. You’ve not experienced the depths of love. You only know sex. In chasing shadows, skirts and shapes you’ve left truth unattended. That love will trust you, will believe in you, believe the best of you, assume the best for you. That love believes in what it cannot see. There is hope, and a future. Love is an exercise of faith. But if you keep chasing cheap skirts and underwear, you won’t come across this love. It’s not in that market. Which means you can kiss that dream of yours goodbye. It can’t be realised through cheap thrills. Without true love marriage is nothing but a set of rules and obligations. You can’t just marry anybody.

Moreover, a wife is not some matrimonial appliance, a commoditised biological form. You should want someone who has depths of feelings for you, who is remarkably committed to you. You should want someone who’ll be there for you, someone you can trust. That’s whom you should marry. You should want to marry your friend, your true friend. You’ll know by her commitment to you. It’ll be selfless. You’ve got to change your paradigm and philosophy of marriage Jack. You won’t get what you want using the sex framework. Which is why you keep dating those women who don’t really care about you, and who you don’t really care about. Pray for the love of a good woman Jack. I mean true love. That love is all the difference. May you be so lucky.

Your mentor, LA

© Leke Alder |

For related letters, please search for May You Meet A Wonderful Woman, Potential, Love Is Friendship at

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Tags : what to look for in a relationship, Choosing a partner, love in marriage, Genuine love, Choosing, Life partner, Sex, Marital qualification

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