My dear Jack, that’s a false definition of manhood and you have all these false notions out there of what a man really is. It’s like those beer adverts that define manhood as the ability to consume beer. Of course you don’t believe that, do you? If you believe a beer ad that says you’re noble because you consume a particular brand of beer, you must be desperate.
There are many of these messages about manhood out there and for the most they’re false. For example, there’s the false notion a real man doesn’t cry. Says who? How is emotional constipation manhood? It’s natural to cry at the loss of a dear one, like one’s parent or wife, girlfriend or sibling. There’s nothing unmanly about it. You don’t want to sclerotize your emotions so much you can’t express feelings. Your relationship won’t succeed.
Another false definition of manhood is, a real man never apologises. But a real man admits wrong and apologises. What is manly about not being able to accept wrongdoing and apologising! How’s that the definition of manhood? Then there’s that false notion a real man never asks for help from a woman. Really?! So you’ll never ask your wife for help when you need it? How dumb is that! You marry an intelligent being and you won’t consult her? Oh, there’s more foolishness.
There’s the notion a real man strings so many girls along, sleeps around with so many women. Did they also tell you you’re going to end up confused and that’s a recipe for an eventual wrong choice? Did they tell you you’re going to open yourself up to venereal infection, and may end up impregnating multiple women? How’s being confused about which woman to marry manhood? How’s inability to commit to one person manly?
There’s also that false notion lack of sentimentality means manliness. So you define manhood as not being able to tell your woman you love her, or not being able to send her affection emojis? How’s not being able to express affection manhood? Isn’t it rather a sign of psychological issues?
There are those young men out there blowing their salaries at night clubs in a desperate show of “manhood.” Really?! The same people then resort to borrowing thereafter. They’re never financially balanced. Can’t get to end of month. So you try to impress everyone in the club only to resort to Garri thereafter? For the uninitiated, Garri is a granulated cassava derivative prevalent in some West African communities like Nigeria. Garri’s particular specialty is puffery, whether dissolved in hot or cold water. It’s temperature ambidextrous. This makes it fill the stomach, which then gives a false sense of satiation of hunger. It builds a false infrastructure in the tummy. It soon dissolves in the tummy leaving a huge gap that requires rapid and concentrated filling. Being a carbohydrate, it has poor nutritional value and so is often balanced with a protein intake. But it’s anecdotally associated with hunger. Garri is like a human. It has a personality. You’re foolish depleting your entire salary at the bar trying to impress people you have no business impressing. As they consume the alcohol you paid for, that’s your salary going down the drain. And the next month is auto-compromised. These are false notions of manhood. There are even more.
The idea you have to lie to a woman to toast her is another false definition of manhood out there. Problem is, you have to sustain the lie. And you have to augment the lie with another lie. Don’t pretend a ride is yours when it’s not. Nothing wrong in admitting you borrowed it. Truth will eventually come out. It means every time you want to take the girl out you have to go looking for a ride to borrow and lie about. Whatever happened to Uber or Taxify or whatever is out there that can take you to your date and back? Why do you need to lie you own a ride you don’t own to impress a woman? How are you going to sustain the lie? And the girl will suspect the ride is not yours. The higher the class of the ride the more incredulous your claim will be. If you’re just a trainee manager but claim to own a Mercedes E class, how do you hope to sustain that lie? Which means you probably have to invent a rich father who insisted you work your way up at another institution. Only at some point in the relationship you’ll have to introduce the girl to that same father. But your real father dwells in the other side of town, a man of quiet dignity and nobility not ashamed of who he is. Your invented father on the other hand dwells in the tony end of town! It’s how people end up tying themselves up in knots. All because of false definition of what it means to be a man. Sheer stupidity.
There’s the notion a real man fights for his woman. If you have to fight for her, chances are she was never yours! The idea of two young men duelling it out over a woman is primitive. You should be worried about such a woman. Means she was two-timing or stringing both of you along. And that’s the person you want to marry? You still want to fight for her?
Another notion is the idea of a “real man” assuming responsibility for an expense sprung on him by a capricious girlfriend. A real man repudiates such expense. You’re encouraging a dangerous habit. If she wants what you can’t reasonably afford she should pay for it herself. It’s that simple. And so when she announces in front of everyone you’re buying her iPhone X without prior consultation, you better say no! If your salary is the value of iPhone X and you buy her the iPhone, you’ll drink Garri for a month! That’s not manhood; that’s foolishness. Anyone can generate invoices. You’ll be foolish to pick such tabs. Today, it’s iPhone X, tomorrow it’s going to be a designer bag, the day after, jewellery. How are you going to balance? You have to repudiate all these false notions of manhood. Manhood is not all these things.
If you want to define manhood, think integrity, think seriousness about life, think goal orientation, drive, direction… If you want to talk about manhood, think reliability, fiduciary responsibility, trustworthiness, loyalty, wisdom. If you want to talk about manhood, think discipline, focus, commitment and dedication. How are you a man if you can’t control yourself, or your word counts for nought? You might as well believe all those beer ads about false definition of manhood. To be a man is not all those things. Surely yyou can see that!
Your mentor, LAIf you want to talk about manhood, think reliability, fiduciary responsibility, trustworthiness, loyalty, wisdom. Click To Tweet