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Read Letter

H. Pylori

My dear Jil, ever heard of a bacteria with an initial? Well, there’s one called H. Pylori (full name Helicobacter Pylori). That already tells you this bug is special, and what with that kind of name. It’s a nasty piece of work that can stay in your body for decades, bidding its time quietly.

And then when the time comes it activates itself like a demon from hell and begins to attack your stomach. It attacks your stomach lining, attacks the upper part of your small intestine with the aim of creating ulcer. It takes a very dangerous combination of antibiotics to get rid of this vile and redolent bug – H. Pylori. It generates a terrible and foul smell inside the tummy, and then traps the gas inside you giving you stomach ache. And when it feels under attack it releases acid inside your stomach, essentially turning you into a battery. That apart from the fact that it turns your stomach into his domain by creating an acidic environment. There’s no nice way to describe this bug, H. Pylori. You just pray it doesn’t turn on you because it dislikes you.

You’ll need to be careful about becoming H. Pylori in your marriage, however. When we use acidic words we create a caustic environment in our home and marriage. The idea of wanting to hurt and injure your partner shouldn’t even come up. You can’t be married to someone and want to wound the person through words and deed. It’s a contradiction. It’s a contradiction in terms when partners seek to hurt or harm each other. A home cannot be a poisonous environment full of toxic fumes. And nothing is more acidic than very hurtful words in marriage. In order for you to survive in that harsh environment you’ve created, you’ll have to become nasty, like H. Pylori. In other words, acidity and caustic remarks in marriage transform us. We transmute into dangerous creatures.

Anger is another emotion that creates a caustic environment in marriage. There are those who seek to punish those who love them as if hurt is some form of catharsis for an offence unknown. A sense of historical rejection can present unending anger. People with unending anger lash out at others. It’s not as if they don’t know what they’re doing is wrong but the anger has turned sadistic. How do you know they know what they’re doing is wrong? Because when they lose privilege they hasten to make corrections. But such anger is often accompanied by pride. In seeking to make amendment they never address the issue. Then they begin to seek that which was lost through strenuous effort. You can’t go through life angry from birth. You can’t go through life in anger. It will cost you good relationships. That kind of anger makes you pile historical offences on the person who loves you. You’ll treat him like “one of them.” Some of these things are so potent they actually become psychological issues. If you know you have historical and persistent anger, perhaps you should see a psychologist. Being real! Anger creates acidic environment in a home. Besides, you’ll create fear. No one can predict what will trigger that tongue-lashing. And words are powerful. When words are stewed in powerful negative emotions, they devastate. But when words are mixed with the emotion of love, the home becomes a honeycomb.

Destruction follows terrible anger in marriage. Something will be destroyed. Since nobody wants to be slashed everyone will stay away from you. People stay away from angry people. And we can slice internal organs emotionally. We can gash people with words. Innards do not heal quickly. You should be mindful of words; words are powerful. Words can build, words can destroy. Words are so powerful they can totally eviscerate self-esteem. In marriage, couples need to speak words of love, not words of anger, not words of hate. Couples are supposed to build each other up with words not tear each other down with words. In marriage, couples are supposed to use words to inspire hopes and dreams. But once you turn words into a laser stabber, you’re bound to cut someone in half in your marriage. It may be YOU! A marriage shouldn’t reduce us, it should add to us and build us up. Unless of course, you’re defining wedding as marriage. In which case you have a misnomer.

Get rid of acidic content in your home. Line the innards of your home with love. You have to be consistent and persistent in using good words in your home. It’s the only way to get rid of acidic content. Anyone who has suffered from that nasty guy called H. Pylori knows to combat it, you need a powerful regime of antibiotics. The regime of antibiotics needs to be administered over a two-week period. The guy is persistent. Identify the source of acidity in your marriage and attack it with all you’ve got. Kill it! A successful marriage takes effort and resolve. It takes commitment, it doesn’t just happen. Look at any successful marriage and you’ll see the partners striving to show love to one another. Love covers a multitude of sins.

If you’re going to be in a marriage for a lifetime you can’t keep raining acidic showers on yourself. When we wound others with words we become malevolent. Both of you sit down and address whatever issue the matter is. Forget your individual pride. We win in marriage through subjection to one another.

Your mentor, LA

© Leke Alder |

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Tags : Unforgiveness, Conflict, love in marriage, Character, Love, Bitterness, Harsh words, Choosing, Marriage, Anger

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