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Read Letter

Looking Back

My dear Jil, I present a few lessons from my letters to you in 2017. I hope you take them to heart as you enter the new year. Here they are:

  1. For a relationship to be very successful, there must be selflessness on both sides. Both of you must care for and watch out for each other.
  2. If it’s all about you, there can be no relationship. That conceptually defeats the idea of relationship. A relationship is two people, not one person. And all the self-centred stuff is actually insecurity.
  3. Selfishness not only blinds, it robs us of the ability to sense the feelings of others.
  4. Honesty matters in a relationship. Sincerity matters. There can be no trust otherwise.
  5. Would you trust someone who constantly lies to you, whose word you can’t vouch for? Relationship boils down to character; to values.
  6. Date someone you can trust with your emotions. Character matters.
  7. When we wound others with words we become malevolent.
  8. That your partner doesn’t express hurt over what you do doesn’t mean they are not in pain over it.
  9. When we say sorry for what we have done we ought to mean it. “I am sorry” shouldn’t just be words. There has to be genuineness. Without genuine remorse “Sorry” comes across very wrongly.
  10. Saying “I’m sorry” when you don’t mean it is almost an insult to intelligence. It’s like fobbing things, blunting the edge. We don’t really mean it, we just want to placate anger.
  11. Depending on the degree of pain inflicted, it can take some time to pacify anger.
  12. When it comes to dating, two is a company, three is a political rally. Don’t invite your friend along.
  13. When we don’t pay attention to wisdom we end up paying an expensive tuition fee for life’s lessons.
  14. Sometimes we’re so besotted with our desire that we ignore all rational warnings. We try to explain things away unconvincingly.
  15. Successively dating those you know will abuse you is in itself self-abuse.
  16. You want someone who considers you special, not someone who sees you as a tolerable irritant.
  17. Sometimes it takes losing someone for some people to appreciate their value.
  18. You can’t do without friendship in marriage. You won’t be happy.
  19. In a marriage, peace is not the absence of fights. It is the presence of love – a deep, committed and powerful love.
  20. We win in marriage through subjection to one another.
  21. Don’t ever forget that who you date (or marry) will always be your responsibility.
  22. That a man is good to your parents doesn’t mean he’ll be a wonderful husband to you.
  23. Who to marry is one of the most important decisions in life. It’s really up to you.
  24. If you must fool everyone, don’t fool yourself.
  25. If you can’t stand a man why would you then want to sit and lie with him in marriage?
  26. Love is first of all dutiful before being sentimental. Love is responsibility.
  27. You have to believe the best of your partner. It’s an expression of love and goodwill.
  28. Don’t break your marriage over a triviality.
  29. Sit down as a couple and talk things over.
  30. Marriage is a twosome not a threesome. Get rid of your ex.
  31. Your ex can’t be your best friend, your husband ought to be. Or what’s the point of intimacy!
  32. Some people are mature enough to get married but not mature enough to handle marriage itself.
  33. You can’t claim to love someone and go about saying nasty things about them, especially behind their back.
  34. We’re the product of nature, nurture, experiences, indoctrination, circumstances, knowledge, cultures etc.

Your mentor, LA

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For business and career resources, live video sessions and answers to entrepreneurial and business questions, join Squaretable – my business and career mentoring platform. Visit www.lekealder.com/squaretable to subscribe.

Tags : Dating, Manhood, lessons, Choosing a partner, Marrriage, Conflict resolution

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