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Read Letter

A Moment In Life!

My very own Jil, my one in a billion… It is that time of year again, when men express their feelings of love and appreciation to their woman. As I have done in previous years I write you once again, not just to express my love to you but to tell you how much I appreciate you.

It’s a simple but powerful love we share. It’s so basic, so fundamental the workings are almost imperceptible. We just know we have each other, want each other, want to be with each other; there is no otherwise. To be honest, I never imagined it would be like this. Just knew we should marry. That was the limit of my understanding. Not that I didn’t want the best, but who can contemplate something this wonderful! There is so much peace about you, so much love I feel… The combination of that peace and love is a surreal and heady brew. I know I always have a partner in you, and like you, I can’t imagine otherwise… The basic simplicity of our relationship befuddles me… It’s just so profound and easy. I knew I got a bargain with you but I couldn’t have imagined the enormity of the blessing.

Every day I go out there trying to work hard to take care of you and the kids… (Well, they’re grown now!) But at the end of the day I always look forward to coming home to see you. I’m never bored, never tire to see you… We’re just who we are, which is why I said our relationship is so basic and profound. In everything I know you put me first, and that is so deep in unimaginable ways. I try to do the same. You’re my first consideration in everything.

What I love about you is the generosity of your spirit. I’d always wanted a generous soul, a non-selfish person. That’s because of the gift of liberal heart our Lord gave me. I didn’t want someone grasping, a self-centered person… My make-up struggles with such disposition. I can’t understand it. And so when I met you… the peacefulness, the simplicity, the generosity… I was thrilled on the inside of me. There is a realisation that thrills on the inside. The best gift I can give you is the gift of me – the gift of sincerity and genuineness of heart. It’s my humble contribution to the simplicity of our life.

It’s been so many years of marriage now and it just keeps keeping on. And it keeps getting stronger and deeper and more committed. And so I thank God in my heart every day for the gift of you! I am grateful God gave you to me. There’s a quality to that gratitude that is difficult to express. There are things that can’t be shared, things knowable only on the inside.

Because of the peace you are I can concentrate on my calling in life… Because of the loving troubles you make I can be joyful in my life… Because of the beauty you are I see life in technicolour… Because of the love you share I feel the smouldering of wonderful affection… Because of us I have learnt that good relationships just are… No contractions, no contraptions, no manipulation, no calculations… Because of us I can see that good marriages are simple and profound… Because of us I have learnt that the beauty of a marriage lies in its simplicity, the basic acceptance of self and other… Because of us I have learnt that marriage is not formulaic. It’s something good, something natural, something organic, something unforced… Wanting each other, loving each other, being each other… That’s what marriage is all about.

It’s what’s on the inside that invariably makes a good marriage. The externalities soon become common. Of course that will be hard to explain to a young bachelor. It’ll be hard for him to imagine that he soon gets used to the beauty of his wife, that it’s what’s on the inside that counts. Which is why the natural disposition of your heart means a lot to me… I keep returning to that word, “simplicity.” As you can see, I’m trying to explore my heart to tell you exactly how I feel about you. This is not Valentine candy.

I do appreciate the fact you’re totally invested in us. It’s made you rich and made me richer. That richness has the quality of those cakes you won’t allow me to eat. Now, I’m not saying buy me Red Velvet, or something richer… Though I do think because it’s Valentine I should be cut some slack in the cake division. Red Velvet misses me. I can tell! I’m thinking we should have a simple Valentine Day celebration… You know, snuggling… comfortable in each other’s arm… with Red Velvet cake!

In the past few days I’ve had this urge to look at our wedding album. I don’t know why but it just feels like the thing to do. Perhaps it will remind me of experiences… joggle my memory about things I’m forgetting. Memory can be mushy like a Red Velvet cake. Of course again I’m not saying buy me Red Velvet cake. But wouldn’t it just be nice to eat Red Velvet cake on Valentine Day? Anyway… It’s so nice when you know someone cares about you, when you know someone loves you, genuinely. I care about you darling. You’re my comfort.

I don’t know what life holds for us. We’re nothing but travelers in this expanse of space and time called life. One can feel lost. And so I’m trying to figure things out. There’s something deeper I yearn for, something I need to apprehend. I need to make sense of this time and times. What is not in doubt, and has never been in doubt is my love for you. There is no “What else could have been” for me about you. There’s only you. You’re the only answer to my multiple choice question about life. For that I know I’m fortunate. Not everyone is so lucky. Not everyone has such certainty, with no regrets whatsoever. Which is why I deeply appreciate the fact I have you. You mean the world to me. Our home is soft, welcoming, loving, beautiful… All because of you. The quality of your heart permeates the air in gentle ascents of grace. (A joy just flushed my heart thinking about you – like a cold infusion of something wonderful. You give me joy in the ethereal compartments of my heart).

I just want to live us, I just want to be us, to live in the moment, our moment. And I want that moment to keep going on, in an eternal loop. We need to live in the moment, enjoy what is us. We need to celebrate each other, stay focused. There’s more to come, there’s more in store. Our life is what it is. That much is clear to me. We live in the moment – of our love and affection. It’s all about the moment – that joyful moment that then becomes a present continuous fact. That picture we took in Venice is still on my office desk. That’s a moment in time. I live in that moment every time I look at that picture. It’s why I have it on my desk – to live in the moment. Perhaps the urge I feel about looking at our wedding album is to “see” that moment again, to re-experience it in my thought.

As I meditated the other day I realised humans are just incapable of fully appreciating what they have. And so there’s that tendency to take things for granted. I realised the longer we have things the less we tend to appreciate them as time goes on. And so appreciation has to be a conscious effort. And that’s what I’m doing. I don’t ever want to take you for granted. You’re so good for me. We hardly tell those who mean so much to us how much they mean to us. We don’t do it enough. Which is why I have chosen today and every other Valentine Day as my official “You-mean-so-much-to-me day.” I will always cherish your love.

Your one and only, Jack.


© Leke Alder |

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Tags : Spouse, Appreciation, Sincerity

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