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My dear Jack, it’s a very rare family that will allow you to date two sisters successively. You were interested in the older sister but you went for the younger once the older one travelled out of the country. Which should make you question what you really want? Was it her you wanted or just a woman? Any woman seemed to fit your bill, including her younger sister. If you didn’t have an awful relationship with that younger sister this discussion will be moot. You won’t be mailing me. It’s because that relationship broke up you renewed your interest in the elder sister.

It would seem it’s your libido making the decisions not your heart, or even your head. You don’t know what you want. It’s why you can successively go after two sisters. It’s called whatever-is-available-dating. Which means given the opportunity, if the relationship with even this older sister does not work out, you’ll go after yet another sister. No ordinary family will allow you to run rampage over their girls like you’re some libidinous Rambo. You can’t date girl after girl in one family, you’re going to create serious problems in that family. The younger sister may still be hung up on you for example, or she may decide you’re still game just to spite her sister not because she wants you.

It will be very rare sisters who are comfortable passing on their men to each other. You may want to be worried about such disposition. And what happens when there’s a quarrel between the two sisters? Won’t they use these facts against each other? Someone is bound to say someone took her reject. Family gathering will be interesting in such a family. Weddings too, considering sisters often serve as chief bridesmaid to one another. So you’ll have one sister as bride and the other sister who used to be your girlfriend as bridesmaid? I think not! And don’t forget, no one knows whether you and the younger sister were intimate. It will be assumed of course. The thought of you having slept with the younger sister and now sleeping with the older sister will be considered revolting in many circles.

You have the potential of setting that whole family on fire and to be honest I’m surprised the mother of those girls is entertaining a discussion with you. She must be desperate or worse. Even if you have your way and start dating the elder sister, when the other man enters the scenario to date the younger sister, it’s going to be even more interesting. Imagine how he’ll view you. And then there are all those how would it have been moments when you quarrel with your girlfriend and you begin to wonder if you shouldn’t be dating the other sister. When the younger sister has a quarrel with her husband she’ll of course have to be careful what she says lest the guy thinks she’s still interested in you. I’m just saying it’s a nice pot of mess you have created and it’s better you walk away before it gets messier. You don’t know what you want. Go and resolve yourself first so you don’t mess up other people’s lives.

Now, I know there’s that stage in a young man’s life when he feels he ought to have a girlfriend. At that stage anyone will do. He just wants to be able to boast he has a girlfriend – someone he can go to parties with essentially. That need is what drives the any-available-option dating. Everyone seems to have a girlfriend. You too want to have one. And so if all the girls you’d rather have are taken, you go after whoever is left, even if you don’t fancy the person. Redundancy dating.

You really ought to know what you want in a partner. If you don’t know what you want, anyone is qualified as partner. You’ll be opportunistic. You may fleet from nectar to nectar like a butterfly. You see, the butterfly doesn’t know he’s pollinating flowers. He’s just hungry. It’s in the course of satiating his appetite that pollen rubs on him and he transfers to another flower. In other words, the butterfly is an accidental farmer. It is knowledge of science that makes us realise he’s cross-pollinating flowers in his search for sucrose. Why don’t you relax a little and get to know yourself, get to know what you really desire in a woman. If you don’t you’re going to break hearts, treat women as mathematical variables. And you don’t want to annoy a woman to the point of uncare. She’ll burn the house down, sometimes literally. You don’t toy with a woman’s emotions. It can be dangerous. That anger can linger for decades. Notice all the sexual harassment allegations coming out of Hollywood. Most are incidents from far back.

Obviously these two sisters are very different from each other though born in the same household. No two sisters can be the same. Yet you felt comfortable desiring both. You’ve asked them out successively. Which then makes one wonder about your taste. Not just physical taste but emotional taste as well. It’s not those women you want; it’s just any woman. Any woman will do. And you’re fixated on this family because they granted you access. I’d advise you be careful about their dad though. He might not be gentlemanly concerning your quest. You’re going to brand his daughters.

What exactly do you want Jack? What appeals to you physically for example? Do you like light skinned women or dark skinned women? Do you like skinny women or curvy women? What’s your cultural taste? What level of cultural exposure do you have? Do you like classical music or jazz? Do you like modern or classical art? Or you don’t even like art? It doesn’t mean you have to date a woman who loves art. The level of cultural exposure you want in a woman is what we’re trying to determine. What’s your taste in fashion? Are you particular about appearances in women or you really don’t care? How about temperament? Do you like it hot chilli pepper, or moderately spicy or not spicy? It’s your taste. How about physiognomy and anatomy? Is your taste mammary endowment or pronounced derriere? You’ve got to be honest with yourself about your taste when it comes to marriage. What level of intelligence do you want in your woman? Do you want an intellectual or non-intellectual? Are you the traditional type or modern type? How about tactility? How sentient are you? Are you the touchy feely type or you’re the physically aloof type? How about emotional connection? Are you the emotionally absorbent type or you’re the emotionally deflecting type? We can go on and on. You have to be honest with yourself about these things. It is marriage we’re talking about. Then there’s the question of faith. Does your faith matter to you? Can you marry from a different faith?

You need to come to terms with your secret desires – those desires no one can know or discern, even if they cut you up. If sex matters a great deal to you in marriage for example and you’re a liberal in that department, you may be doing yourself a disservice marrying someone extremely conservative. There’ll be that cultural gap. That’s not saying it can’t work but you will have to make some concessions to make it work. It may mean some things matter to you more. To thine own self be true, said the bard with the beard. This above all, said Polonius in Hamlet.

Your clarity on what you want will also save you from transgressing your marriage vows. You can deal with temptations easier because you got what you wanted. You’re not in search of what you don’t have. I hope the foregoing is useful to you. I’m afraid however that you’ll have to take a pass on those two girls. Too messy and potentially disastrous.

Your mentor, LA

© Leke Alder |

You really ought to know what you want in a partner. If you don’t know what you want, anyone is qualified as partner. Click To Tweet
Tags : Considerations, Choices

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