Dear Jack, yes, you said as much. You said she’s attractive. But let me tell you a little bit about that in marriage. You get used to it. Because you don’t live together now, you don’t see her every day. And so that attractiveness commands a premium. Law of scarcity. It increases value. But in marriage it’s not going to be like that. You’re going to see her every day – see her without make up, see her perform hygiene ablutions… You won’t see her in the perfect state you see her now.
Without something of deeper value, the value you attach to your wife’s looks will depreciate with familiarity. Yes, it will spike once every while you have to go out and she dresses up. Also at social functions you’ll appreciate that beauty. Makes you feel cool with yourself. But outside those contexts the value of that beauty drops. You now have too much supply of it. It’s constantly before you. You now have it. It’s fully yours. This is why a man can have a beautiful wife and still go after other women. He’s gotten used to what he has, he’s seeking other excitement. There are other factors that can make a man go after other women of course – power, availability, opportunity, invitation from the other side, domestic situation… But the point being made is that you soon get used to your wife’s beauty. Beauty is therefore not enough to sustain a marriage.
There has to be more to the marriage than the woman’s beauty. And if that’s all that matters to you, when she’s pregnant you’re going to run after other women. Pregnancy will change her physical form. The face may be puffed up. Of course it’s not easy for a young man to absorb all these. He’s too much into physical appearance. Then there’s his ego. That ego is common to men. It’s why the powerful marry the most beautiful. But you see, other considerations come into marriage. There are obligations, there’s the need for responsibility. There are expectations. Those things cloud your view, provide partial blindness to all that beauty. You won’t even see the beauty when responsibility piles on you. And depending on her character you soon see the value of character. No one will tell you. Whatever her character is you’ll see the value in marriage. Also temperament. Temperament matters. Young men don’t pay enough attention to it. They get carried away with looks. Until the marriage becomes hell.
But what I really want to talk to you about is the value of patience and hard-work. I’m aware that in your generation you want to make it fast. Well… Part of the problem is that some people feed too much on music videos. They contain fine women and exotic cars, especially the hip hop videos. There are always guys spraying dollars in those videos, or someone with a heavy gold chain around his neck. Some with diamond studs, diamond rings, diamond dentures. Those music videos show consumerism; they don’t show what it takes to acquire the money to afford those things legitimately.
Lasting success requires hard work and discipline. If you earned it you won’t spend it anyhow. Those who blow money anyhow never last. It’s unsustainable. Look at life. Look at all the examples. See the case studies. Go back a decade or two. You must have a certain level of income to sustain blowing thousands of dollars in a club every night. Questions of course arise as to the legitimacy of means. You need to pace yourself, you need to have a vision. Life is not a 100-metre dash, it’s a marathon. You don’t want to expire early. And there are hustles you shouldn’t get into. Some of these hustles are dangerous. It will help if you look at the end of people who do dangerous hustles. We’re too caught up in the present. We must consider the past. History has invaluable lessons.
No matter the prevailing wisdom, maintain a good name. As you grow in life you’ll see the value of a good name, you’ll know the value of integrity. Once you mess up your name, it’s hard to recover it. Once your name becomes branded with crime, you earn historical reputation. It can be hard to wash. Don’t compare yourself with others. You may find yourself comparing yourself with a criminal. It’s only when the bubble bursts that you realise you’ve been comparing yourself to a criminal, getting yourself into unfair and senseless competition.
There are things you shouldn’t dabble in. There are things that are difficult to get out of. Sometimes, the only way out is inside a coffin. Easy comes, easy goes. Value loyalty, diligence, faithfulness and hard-work. If you hear a siren and fear descends on you, it’s a clear sign you’re in the wrong hustle. There are crooked things that look good on telly but are gruesome in real life. And the dangerous slide starts with the bending of your values. The love of money is the root of all evil. It’s also the stem.
The demands made on you by this beautiful girl can only be sustained if you get into criminal enterprise. Save yourself from her. You’re going to get into trouble if you keep dating her. You can’t fulfil those demands unless you steal. When you’re arrested for fraud, she’s not coming to visit you in prison though her insatiable appetite caused it. She’ll move on to the next fool. Your self-esteem must be very low if you think dating such a woman increases your social standing. Everyone is wondering what got into you. They’re asking, does he know what he’s getting himself into?! She writes obituaries. She has no scruples. It’s all about spending for her. You’re either going to go into debt, or you’re going to commit fraud, or you’ll become a crime entrepreneur to continue to date her. Don’t forget all that spending to sustain her movie outlook lifestyle are not investment. You’re essentially consuming your tomorrow today. This is not the way you were brought up. This is not what your mother taught you. You’re setting yourself up for jail, or early death.
The company you keep determines your character. What are you doing with people with questionable means of livelihood? What is even more worrisome is that these your classmates are delving into Satanism to sustain their criminal adventurism. They don’t know who they’re dealing with. Satan makes you sign the contract before showing you the terms. And there’s always one terrible clause. Is that the direction you want to go in life? All because of money? Money you’ll earn with peace of mind as you go on in life if you’re dutiful and faithful and you apply yourself? You need to slap yourself out of the situation you’re in. You better drop this so-called “babe.” She’ll lead you to sorrow.
The earliest starters don’t necessarily make it to the finish line. Just be steady in your race. You’ll get there. Don’t compare yourself with others. It’s like contesting for road with a Danfo bus driver in Lagos. What’s the logic? He’s going to a bus stop you’re going to work! There’s no secret to any hustle. If a hustle has a secret you ought to beware. Anything beyond faith, discipline and application should have you worried. If they tell you you have to meet a jujucian or voodoo priest for some secret ritual to succeed in life, run! You’ll be indentured to Satan. He’s not exactly a benevolent venture capitalist or mentor. Be content with what you have. Believe in yourself. Believe in your future. It’s all a matter of time. It’s all a matter of time for everyone, including the crook. Think on these things.
Your mentor, LA
© Leke Alder | talk2me@lekealder.com
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