My dear Jack, here’s the challenge I have. I think you’re over-reaching yourself trying to date this millionaire lady. You hardly have a kobo in your pocket! You’re a struggling young man, how are you going to date a millionaire? You’ll prove totally inadequate in your endeavour. It’s another thing however if SHE decides to date you. The equation changes. But the workability of such a scenario is a debate proposition. In such a union you will have to subject your manhood to constant interrogation. It will be a recurrent challenge. You’re way out of your league.
The last time you went to make your intentions known to her you expended all your money buying her flowers. You were so broke afterwards you had to ask her for transport allowance back home. How’s it going to work? You shouldn’t have done that by the way. By asking her for transportation allowance you rubbished that expenditure on flowers. You should rather have trekked home than ask her for transport allowance. Even if it’s 100miles away. Or you should have called a friend to lend you some money to get back home. How do you go and propose to a woman and then ask her for transportation allowance back home! Better to have plucked wild flowers instead of buying those flowers.
Perhaps the reason girls are turning you down is because you’re going after girls beyond your means. There are levels in life. Some women have made up their mind they won’t marry a broke or struggling guy. That takes you out of their contemplation. Why then go for such women? Some don’t necessarily want to marry a millionaire but they don’t want to suffer or struggle in marriage either. It’s their choice, it’s their life. It’s the pharisaic righteousness of a broke guy that condemns a woman for not wanting to marry a broke guy. It’s her choice who she marries. Don’t be a Pharisee.
What you need to do is work hard to make it. Then you make it plain she made a mistake rejecting you back then. You need to work hard. You’ll need to work hard dating this millionaire lady anyway. And very hard work indeed considering she’s even older than you. That is if you want her respect. If she ever gives you a chance it’s because she thinks you have prospect. If she gives you a chance knowing you have no prospect YOU should be worried! But whether you date a millionaire or not, whichever woman you date you’ll need to sort out your finance. Finance is a major issue in marriage. Love can easily fly out of the window when there’s no money. There’s a reason guys with money attract the finest women. That’s reality, stop moralising the issue.
But you constantly over-reach your capacities, and you put yourself in situations that will perpetually stretch you. To you $1,000 is a lot of money, but it’s chump change to her. What that means is when you’re impressed with yourself she’ll be unimpressed. It’s nothing to her. Of course you would expect her to have a full complement of domestic staff after you marry. There’s cleaning and cooking. And then there’s security. That’s the logic of her business success. Can you afford her? Or do you expect her to pay for all that. And we’re not talking about her lifestyle yet. There are all those socials. Not sure they repeat attires for social occasions at that level. Can you afford that lifestyle?
As to the request you made to me for money… I’m sorry I can’t give you. You’re asking me to finance your amorous desires. I can’t do that. That’s your personal responsibility. After I do that you’d soon ask me to finance your wedding. And of course your accomodation. And then naming ceremony for your kid. In other words you’ll be perfecting the gradualisation of transfer of personal responsibilities to moi. I’m honoured but I can’t accept the burden. The man who’s thinking of wedding must be thinking of how to finance his home. Marriage is not a community project. Yes, I did pay your school fees, but if you recall I insisted on transfer of monies directly into the school’s account. There was proper invoicing. I must be responsible with money. There are too many people asking for financial help who cannot present in precise figure the quantum of help they need. But imprecise request cannot get a precise answer.
And what do you have yourself? When I was in university I did side hustle to meet my needs even though I had a wonderfully generous father. I chose to imbibe the discipline of self-finance for the extras of life. You shouldn’t expect perpetual help from those who have helped you financially in the past. You can’t turn yourself into a finance invalid. Don’t you think those people have tried enough? Making a determination not to collect a penny from my dad once I graduated from university made me reach inside myself for strategies for self-sustenance. It was tough but I did it. Reach inside yourself.
I know a young lady who was top of her class in medical school but things were tough for her financially. Many people rallied to help her not just because she was brilliant but also because she hustled. She cooked food and sold. And she was frugal with finance. She projected a picture of responsibility. Her grades never failed. As difficult as things were she still managed to clear most of the prizes in her class. She’s an inspiration.
You shouldn’t insult people’s benevolence by turning yourself into their recurrent expenditure for life. When a man decides to pay your school fees you show unseriousness by asking him to buy credit for your phone for example. There’s just something funny about such request that disqualifies benevolence.
It’s either you wait till you’re capable of financing the romance you have in mind, or you decide to go about it as a broke guy. But you can’t ask other people to finance your romance. And you need to show seriousness about life. Learn this lesson: No one finances the wedding of a forty year old man. Why? Because at that age society expects you to have put your act together. You can’t be forty and claiming to be a youth. It’s a travesty of the definition of youth. You can’t be trying to find your way at forty, trying to determine what to do in life. You ought to have figured things out to a large extent. Your mates will pass you by. You’ll be ashamed at Old Boys meetings.
There are no short cuts in life. Just illusions of short cuts. If you’re not ready to get your hands dirty you won’t arrive at your dream. I can detect you want to date a classy lady. No problem. Have classy money. It takes money to maintain class. As long as you can finance your taste society will have no issues with you. But expecting others to finance your taste has to be one of the definitions of sacrilege. You want to date a classy lady have classy money. Class is an economic concept. You can’t have class without money. So it’s either you’ll look for a woman who will build with you, and who’s ready to go through the grind with you… Or you wait till you make it and then go for the classy lady you want. But the genre of classy ladies you seem interested in are great spenders of other people’s money. They specialise in OPM.
Why don’t you be patient and put your act together. Why don’t you sort yourself out first? Focus on your career. The future never arrives overnight. Clearly you can’t afford this lady you’re trying to date. It’s going to cost you too much. You’re going to pay the price with your future. If you date her you’ll never have savings. You’re going to blow your resources on conspicuous consumption. You can’t even afford those flowers you’d like to send. And flowers have a 24hour lifespan. The last set of flowers you bought her are dead. You can’t recycle flowers. Flowers don’t resurrect. Can you really afford this woman?
There’s love and there’s common-sense. They’re not opposing concepts. You can’t be banking on other people’s money to finance your marriage. They can help you with your wedding, but marriage?!…
Nobody becomes somebody overnight. All those who do don’t last. Becoming is a process over a period of time. Most of the time is spent in obscurity. It’s when you burst out everyone notices you. But you were existing all along. If you want to burst out you must be ready to burrow in anonymity.
If you’re too much in a hurry in life you’ll botch your future. There’s no readymade future. Futures are not sold at Oyingbo market. You build your future.
