My very own Jil, I met a very beautiful girl yesterday. She captivated my soul, cultivated my heart. There was a gentility to her, an exciting peacefulness. I didn’t pay attention to that beauty at first. Not for years. That was because the beauty of her heart so outshone her physical beauty it became secondary. It has been my fortune to be husband to that beautiful girl. She is a wonderful woman. How lucky I am. God must truly love me. Try as I may I can’t get over that heart. The kindness, the love, the giving, the selflessness… I have been loved by that heart. I am being loved by a wonderful woman.
I look back in time and I realise how one decision can radically alter a man’s trajectory and wellbeing. My one decision was you. You are my brilliant decision. There’s just no woman like you. I’ve not met any. Perhaps there’s one on Mars. But until Elon Musk sorts out our journey to Mars we’ll never know.
It’s hard to explain the love we share, the relationship we have. It’s one of those things that just is. It is at once unfathomable as it is wonderful. Because of your heart I’m not afraid to love. Because of your heart I’m not afraid to express my feelings. I feel safe with you. I’ve never met someone so giving as yourself. You’re so selfless, so sacrificial, always thinking the best of people. The misinformed will readily mistake your beauty for the vision of his prejudice against pretty women. But in you I find beauty and values in equal footing. Every day I look forward to coming home to see you after work. It’s been like that every working day all our years.
Yes, I met a beautiful girl but a wonderful woman was wrapped up in her. It’s been my singular honour to discover that woman. This morning I prayed to God for you. I didn’t pray for us. I simply thanked God for you. What else could I do? You’re my theological proof of the goodness and kindness of God. Because of you I have so much peace of mind. And peace of heart. The peace you provide makes my work easy. I couldn’t function without that peace. Because of you our home is soft, and beautifully peaceful. There is an easy atmosphere that draws people in. Our home is a sanctuary. It is full of love. I have done all I know to make you happy. I have given my all. Your happiness is important to me. I just want you happy. I want you to feel loved, like you deserve to be. Our oneness baffles even me. There’s a spiritual quality to it. Your love makes that possible. You identify totally with me. No one can love me like you do. And that is not a mild statement. Your love is in a present continuous state. It hints at future perfect. Going by your words I am by no means “normal.” That you tell me all the time. But you accept me wholeheartedly, for who I am. You celebrate my quirks and idiosyncrasies. These things I cannot understand since I lack the capacity to see my self. That keeps me humble. But you see the extraordinary in me and accept me matter-of-factly.
My life is like a mission for you. I am your assignment, your life project. And how dedicatedly you’ve faced that assignment. Having you has helped me simplify life. I face what I do and you take care of everything else. Which is why I can call you in America to tend to domestic affairs. It all seems so normal, my normal. But these things are not issues for you. Indeed nothing is an issue in our marriage. You strive for complete harmony between us. We never quarrel, never fight. What’s the need? I think of your gracious reaction to the demands of the young ones I mentor. How many times have you had to vacate your seat, even on the plane so a young fellow can take a selfie with me! It’s never an issue. The only rank you pull is your love for me. The fact no one can love me more. You love me so completely it’s enveloping. Your life is wrapped around me. I know I have a friend in you, always. You’re my soul mate. You just get me, know what I need and take care of me. It’s why I celebrate you. It’s why I always dedicate this one day to you every passing year. It’s a quiet resolve of mine. It’s not so much our day as it is your day. An innocuous friendship has blossomed into a beautiful marriage. An unassuming relationship has become an oasis of love.
You’ve been such a wonderful mum to our kids. As they grow older they’ll appreciate you more. You’ve spoilt everyone with so much love. What can I wish you this day? I wish you health and happiness. I wish you joy and peace. And I wish us togetherness till the very end of time. May our love grow more and more. There’s that spiritual dimension to you of course. It’s not often heralded. Possibly because of that beauty of yours. Men find it hard to reconcile beauty with spirituality. But I know what I’ve got. I have a one-woman praying band. You’re always praying for me and I deeply cherish those prayers. My dream has always been to make you the happiest woman on earth. I promised you then and I promise you now, I will always cherish you. It goes without saying that you’re a stabilising influence in my life. All that talent needs stability. You’re my stabiliser.
Yes, you think all those wonderful things about me. Only last week you told me you won’t trade me for anything. But I can’t entertain the remote possibility of even the preliminary thought of trading you for anything. You put me first in everything. My wellbeing and happiness come first. That has always been. I would love to imagine I’ve done God such a huge favour for giving you to me; but you and I know that’s a farce. No one can deserve you. No one can deserve a good woman. There’s a reason I have three of your pictures on my desk. The first was taken the day your beauty dawned on me. The second was taken the day I proposed to you. The third represents our continuum. The only other pictures are those of the kids. I just love the simplicity and sincerity of your heart. There’s no complicatedness. “A” means “A”. “B” means “B.”
I sat in the bedroom early this morning watching you sleep, and I cherished you once more. I want you to feel loved, wanted and needed. ‘Cos you are. Our friendship has continued through the years. It’s one of the things I value in our marriage. I’m happy we’re still friends, will always be friends. Perhaps it works because we share common values. Perhaps it works because we share similar background and parentage. But I don’t care why it works. I’m just happy it works. When I try to do the computation on why it works I’m stumped. I have no option but to conclude there are higher permutations. When we consider cinematic heroines we think of Wonder Woman and the like. But I do remember Jean Grey in X-Men. She had the gift of suasion. She knew how to persuade, softly. She kind of reminds me of you. With you there’s no display of anger, no shouting, no temperament… Just a gift of gentility, a gift of suasion. You’re my heroine. You had to be the one. You just had to be the one, no one else can be.
It’s hard to describe the simplicity of our home, the simplicity of our marriage. Some things cannot be described. They just are. I will always love and cherish you. That’s my article of faith. That’s the resolution of my heart. And I hope through the years I have demonstrated my love for you. It’s just what it is. It is unquestioning, it is unquestionable. I pray we celebrate many more anniversaries, in good health. I pray our joy multiplies. I pray our dreams fructify. Thank you for all the years. Thank you for all the peace. Thank you for the support. Thank you for understanding. Thank you for accommodation. Thank you for affection. Thank you for all the sacrifice, known and unknown. Thank you for all your prayers. Thank you for who you are.
I have written a simple letter of gratitude because I don’t know what else to do. If my writing is temperate it is because of the matured strength of our relationship, the deep understanding we share. I have faith in God and I have faith in us. I have faith in this union. It’s a union of hearts.
You’re my friend, you’re my lover, I am you, you’re me.
