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Positive And Negative Energy

My dear Jack, I think the problem your friend has is that he sees women as meretricious – cheap and tawdry. He has a commercial concept of women, sees women as objects of commerce. A commercial concept of women is why men use phrases like, “Left on the shelf.” Nothing could be more commercially graphic than such a phrase. In fact many of these paradigms are sexual. A marriage wholly based on sex won’t last. You soon get used to the sex. The adventurous type soon begins to look for other experiences, he begins to seek new varieties of women. Of course these things are hard to explain to a libidinous young man. His physical desire is so strong it short-circuits his neural network. He meditates so much on copulative possibilities he can’t even see the woman. He soon begins to imagine himself a “G,” not knowing he’s operating within a narrow paradigm that can’t hold up a marriage.

Your friend is very nascent. He’s lacking in knowledge and awareness. He knows nothing about life, can’t see far. When Satan wants to visit emotional decrepitude on a young man he leads him into fleshly turpitude. When Satan wants to damage a young man emotionally and psychologically he leads him into a bad union – the sort he himself knows is not right for him, but he plunges ahead nonetheless. Satan hooks him into a very rotten relationship with the gloss and sheen of a fresh apple. Only it’s Dulux coated on the outside. That’s what gives the sheen. The apple is rotten within. A terrible marriage project consumes substantial years of youth. It saps the energy that would otherwise have been allocated to progress. When a young man’s head is messed up with sex he can literary smell the muskiness of body fluids as he passes through life. He’s so surfeited his nerves jangle all day. His head is “full.” It will be like he’s had little sleep. A section of his heart is partitioned off. An imaginative memory is lodged in there. That section of his heart is cut off from reality. He creates a secret privacy, and in the privacy he chews on the cud of memory of events, salivating over it like a cow in comfort. Memories are regurgitated to be repeatedly chewed upon. And so the girl will seem more beautiful than she actually is. He will notice obvious deficiencies but he’ll override them. That’s because his neural transmitters offer him little choice. They’re thoroughly messed up. It’s why a young man shouldn’t base his marriage decision wholly on sex or sexuality; or just physical attributes. Beauty is really skin deep.
 
As for you, the things you wrote about, the experiences you’re having… There’s a state of marriage that is a “disturbedness.” That disturbedness is your nerves acting up from injection of fear. It is so psychologically disturbing your body is not okay. Constant nagging can produce that disturbedness. It is a disturbing of the mind at rest, and it makes you feel like running away, just getting away. The disturbedness can also come on a man when he’s under constant accusation, when nagging of a certain frequency is introduced into a relationship. Can also happen to a man when he doesn’t feel “free”, when he feels circumscribed – without latitude, freedom or movement. A woman cannot understand this state of a man. It is a men phenomenon. It cannot be explained either. The man feels under siege and under the poking fingers of examination and judgment, like someone is rummaging in a private place.
 
In seeking to monitor everything about her man a woman unwittingly produces this state of disturbedness. She’ll be projecting so much fear into the relationship. The man begins to watch everything he does and says, just not to give the wrong impression. He’ll be careful about his female associations even when there’s nothing. This puts him under enormous strain. That monitoring forces some men to do things behind their wife, which if it ever comes to light makes him automatically guilty of a non-offence. It’s a phenomenon to be avoided in marriage – that feeling you have to account to your partner for everything: where you’ve been, who you’ve been with, how long you’ve gone… It’s not emotionally healthy. That’s not saying a woman shouldn’t defend her turf. By all means that’s necessary. Turfs must be defended from interlopers, emergency and latter day comforters. Beyond a certain point however it becomes unspoken accusation. And men don’t do well with accusation. It disturbs the male soul. It’s very psychologically disturbing. It’s like a siege.
 
In trying to protect a marriage one shouldn’t so circumscribe a partner he or she begins to feel constrained, unfree, sad and under siege. A home should be a place of comfort and retreat, a harbour from the buffeting of waves. A home should be a place of peace and rest, where things exist in harmonious relationship. A home shouldn’t be a court of law where the prosecution is waiting to level charges, spoken and unspoken – where suspicions are rife.
 
When there’s an issue in a marriage our natural recourse is self-righteousness. We either want to make our case or defend ourselves. And so we always resort to self-righteousness. But self-righteousness never builds a marriage. It somehow manages to point an accusing finger. To the self-righteous his or her righteousness is lily white. But in truth it is negative in colouring – dark and painful. Self-righteousness soon leads to righteous indignation. Abusive volleys soon follow, lacerating words. And so the matter deteriorates. But that anger is negative energy. There’s nothing good or positive about it. Just the ventilating of negative emotions. There’s no positive input into the marriage.
 
Berating your partner or constantly accusing your partner cannot build a marriage. It never does. There’s no positive reinforcement. A marriage thrives on positive energy. It’s like correcting a child. There’s the berating. It is negative. But then a good parent draws the child closer. That’s positive. That ought to be the focus of correction. That’s love. Talking about positive and negative stuff, you must ask yourself what kind of energy is in your home: is it positive energy or negative energy? What’s your home filled with? If your home is filled with accusation and close circuit monitoring it will be full of suspicion and negative energy. But if your home is full of love and forgiveness it will be filled with positive energy. Unforgiveness is negative energy. When you have an issue in your marriage you must ask yourself if you want a resolution or you want to be right. Resolution or self-righteousness? When there’s an issue in a marriage you need to ask yourself if you want your marriage or you want to be a victim. Both are legal. And so both of you having accused each other, what positive reinforcement have you deployed to bring the marriage back together? Any positive acts or statements? You can’t leave your marriage stewing in negative energy. You soon eat bitterness.
 
When God wants to show peculiar love to a young man he gives him a wonderful woman. Now, those kinds of statements are things you realise at an age when you come to understand and appreciate life. Some things come with age and introspection. If you have a wonderful marriage do everything you can to preserve it. Wonderful marriages are not two for a penny.And sometimes good marriages are destroyed by pride. Nothing but pride – who blinks first stupidity. We need to swallow our pride in marriage. It shouldn’t even be on the menu. I’m just saying when you have done all the negative stuff what about the positive?
 
The essence of a quarrel in a marriage is to bring about a spirit of agreement, a spirit of understanding, and better knowledge of each other. That has to be the end goal. If you don’t make that the end goal the marriage will slip into negative mode. Lack of communication then worsens things from then on. Stop meditating on fear.
 
Stop planning how to accuse your partner. Accusation has the quality of a criminal indictment.
 
Your mentor, LA
 
© Leke Alder | talk2me@lekealder.com.
A terrible marriage project consumes substantial years of youth. It saps the energy that would otherwise have been allocated to progress. Click To Tweet
A home should be a place of comfort and retreat, a harbour from the buffeting of waves. Click To Tweet
A marriage thrives on positive energy. Click To Tweet
When you have an issue in your marriage you must ask yourself if you want a resolution or you want to be right. Click To Tweet
We need to swallow our pride in marriage. It shouldn’t even be on the menu. Click To Tweet
The essence of a quarrel in a marriage is to bring about a spirit of agreement, a spirit of understanding, and better knowledge of each other. Click To Tweet
Tags : how to treat your partner, handling issues in marriage

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