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I don’t know if you’ve ever met an angered woman. No, I’m not talking of a pugnacious, truculent or quarrelsome woman with feisty temperament. I’m talking about a woman angered by her husband. It’s a state of being. She’s just had enough. You’ll find this with some women in their fifties. They’ve taken enough. They’ve become totally rebellious to the idea of their marriage. They reduce it to dutiful proportions. They’re tired of being cheated on, being spit upon, tired of their husband not believing enough in them. They’re tired of men bullying them with wealth or status, degrading their gender. They determinedly decide to carve out an independent identity for themselves. They don’t want divorce, though some have been pushed into taking that decision. They just want to be.

There’s something about the age of sixty for women. As that age approaches a woman reassesses many things. It’s why the 50s prove critical. Some will already be grandmas at that age, with one or two kids married. And so for these women there’s nothing left to generate the self-sacrifice women are noted for. They’ve been pushed to the wall in their marriage. Not all women experience this of course. Not all marriages produce these states. As a man you need to study the marriages that do and the marriages that don’t so you understand the underlying issues.
Some men are bullies. They bully their wife, bully their children, bully their colleagues, bully their staff… They bully everyone. They tend to be very oppressive. Such men generate anger in their women. Money plays a huge role in this bullying. The more money some men acquire the more of a bully they become. These men totally destroy the self-esteem of their spouse. Some women became secret alcoholics in order to cope with the bullying of their husband. There are men who can hold a one-hour conversation with their spouse but they’re the only ones doing the talking. They don’t allow the spouse to volunteer an opinion. And yet it’s a conversation. That happens when you subject your wife. You shouldn’t do that to your spouse. She’s your wife not your subject. Also happens when you wilfully damage her by breaking something in her. Be careful she doesn’t become angered. That you should fear. In that angered state a woman becomes totally rebellious. She will act independently of your interest. Your home will not be unified. Sex will suffer. You will suffer emotional malnutrition.
The problem sometimes lies in the transition between aspiration and prosperity. Some men can’t handle the transition. They go crazy when they begin to prosper. To be fair, wealth can easily cause malfunction. That’s because of the confidence it engenders. And wealth is an attractive quantity. It’s why you need to be introspective as you climb the ladder of life. It’s also why a husband and wife must be tight with each other. The more oneness in a family the stronger the chances of beating back the odds.
You guys are young of course. It’s not as if your wife is approaching fifty. She’s barely thirty. But you have to be mindful of these things now, be very conscious of them. You have to be sensitive, be determined not to make your wife an angered woman. The progression starts early in marriage. But sometimes you see the process unfolding even before marriage. A guy dates a slender woman and decides he wants her voluptuous. His idea of beauty is ampleness and so he begins to pressure the woman to grow big, insists she eats to become fat. That is very worrisome. It means the gentleman is dating someone he’s not physically attracted to. She’s not his idea of a beautiful woman. That is a problem. Of course, one should wonder why a man would date a slender woman when what he actually wants is a plus size woman. It’s how oppression begins – all that pressure on the woman to become big.
You have to be able to manage both lack and prosperity. And prosperity is a journey. There’s no overnight success despite seeming evidence. It’s a progression. You have to pour your life into something. A couple must be able to manage that progression into prosperity. Lack separates spouses as much as prosperity separates spouses. When a man doesn’t have money his self-esteem is affected. His pride comes under attack. He’s overly sensitive. Everything is a slight. Some men take it out on their wife and that’s totally wrong. You can’t take things out on your wife. When things are a little rough you need her cooperation. Work with her, be honest about things. Don’t destroy your home. If you don’t know how to manage lack you will go overboard when prosperity comes. You’ll destroy the things that matter.
Now, here’s what many don’t realise about marriage. That spouse you have is often an anchor for things in your life that seem unrelated to her. When you lose her those things become apparent. Same applies to women. For some men the wife is the stabiliser. But they may not realise it. That fact only becomes obvious when things go wrong, and that’s a tragedy. Some men need stabilisers. You can tell what role your spouse plays in your life when she travels. See how you feel in those moments. It will give you a clue. Absence creates a need. Some men are totally helpless when the wife travels. They can’t do a thing in the house. That should tell such men how important the wife is to them, what role she plays. Same goes for women. Some women lose every access after divorce. It’s like society shuts the door on them. Apparently the husband was key to those doors but they never realised. They soon know their true friends. Country club members can be hypocritical.
You should find out what your spouse means to you, what critical role your spouse plays in your life. What does your spouse anchor in your life? When you know what role your spouse plays in your life acknowledge that role, don’t be prideful. Those roles are often spiritual in nature. Some spouses anchor the soul, especially for the gifted. Some men can’t function with any semblance of disagreeability at home. It totally tears them apart. They just break down. The woman who provides that peace is not just critical, she’s soul vitality. A few men have been known to leave such women and go searching for alternatives with curves. Only to discover there’s no peace quotient in them curves. Some women are blessed with wisdom. They know how to advice. Their spouse relies on their counsel. It’s a gift. You don’t want to lose that kind of woman. And some women are blessed with bravery. They’re like the horse when it comes to battle. They will go to war for their husband. They will not allow him to be treated unfairly. And some women are spiritual. They can pray heaven down. They protect their husband from the unseen.
You need a woman who believes in you not a woman trying to exploit you. You need someone who will stand by you, face the world with you. When you have such a woman cherish her. And some women are so selfless they’ll sacrifice everything for their family. Nothing is too great for sacrifice. These are rare humans. Sacrifice is spiritual.
You ought to know the value of your spouse to you. You ought to appreciate her worth. I’m just saying, cherish your wife. Wise men still do. And do everything you can not to turn her into an angered woman. You can’t be unwise in marriage. Marriage requires wisdom. And I’m not talking selfish smarts, the trying to exploit one another kind of wisdom. That’s base wisdom. Such wisdom destroys trust in marriage. I’m talking wholesome, selfless, caring wisdom, the wisdom that puts the interest of the other person first. The wisdom of “us” not “I, me and myself”.
I wish you success in your marriage.
Your mentor, LA.
© Leke Alder |
You have to be able to manage both lack and prosperity. Lack separates spouses as much as prosperity separates spouses. Click To Tweet
Tags : Wisdom, know your partner, success in marriage

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