My dear Jil, it’s coronavirus lockdown blues. He’s feeling horny. His proposal is only valid for the coronavirus lockdown period. He’s just looking for someone to shack up with during the lockdown. He’s looking for corona sex. Which explains why he wants you to come to his house in the night. And there’s no plan to get you back home. You can liken it to buying a one-way ticket. Know when a guy’s heart is talking and when his libido is talking. If his heart is talking he’ll respect you, be considerate of you, treat you like a lady. He’ll be polite. But if it’s his libido talking the conversation will head down main avenue. There’s only one thing that he wants and everything dovetails into that.
Some relationships won’t go beyond the coronavirus lockdown. After the lockdown the utilitarian value is gone. They were necessitated by lockdown. After lockdown the party is no longer needed. Other sources of sex will be freely available. Market forces at play. You don’t want those kinds of relationship, you’re going to feel used. And it’s not a good feeling to feel used in a relationship. Besides, you and this guy are obviously at cross purposes. He’s thinking short term you’re thinking long term romance. When the lockdown is over he’s done. But you’ll be thinking it’s just beginning. To him the sex served its purpose. It was for a time and a place. But to you it will be heavy commitment. Shows things are serious between the two of you. Or you wouldn’t have slept with him.
These are the issues you’ll have to contend with. And nothing hurts more than giving your all and it’s depreciated to a mere physicality. Besides, you and this guy don’t agree on values. He has a problem with commitment. Something tells me that after his last breakup he made up his mind to play the field. It’s one of the reasons you’re talking at cross purposes. You’re looking for a committed relationship he’s looking for a sex partner. He wants a touch and go relationship. No commitments and no hard feelings, move on. You clearly want marriage. He’s not thinking of marriage. Neither is he imagining your relationship leading to marriage. And so you’re wasting your time if it’s marriage you want. The idea of the relationship from his end is not about marriage. And that’s how you get into a relationship that never ends and never leads to marriage.
In fact chances are, he’ll go for someone else when he does decide to marry; and he’ll inform you expecting you to understand. After all he’s kind of made it clear you’re just sex buddies and no feasibility of marriage between the two of you. You know those “It’s complicated” relationships. That’s how you wind up in one. That’s because what you both want don’t align even though he spends time with you. You’ll want the discussion to go a certain way and he’ll bluntly shut it down, sidestep it or block you. In time you’ll start fighting. You will feel frustrated, trapped by your investments. And once you start feeling used your anger is going to mount. You’re going to start having unhealthy feelings. When he starts talking to another girl you’re going to feel angry and inadequate, measuring yourself against her, wondering what she has you don’t. It’s a slide and a downward slope from there. The pristine nature of the relationship in the early stage cannot be recovered. Your self-esteem will be eroded whether you want to accept it or not. You don’t want to harbor toxic feelings towards another human. You become a poisoned chalice. Everything you touch will be poisoned with bile. And it’s going to get nasty if the other woman is the warrior type. Two women will now be fighting over a man. It can really get crazy from there. Those fights don’t end well. Dark powers have been known to be resourced. The winner gets a pyrrhic victory. If you win the price of victory would have been too high. It’s not going to be worth it. As you grow older this will become very apparent.
I’m trying to lay things out for you so you know exactly how things will progress. One thing leads to another. You’re going to paint yourself into a corner and you’re going to serve time. I’m giving you good counsel. You won’t be able to get out because you’ve invested too much. And you can’t go forward because you have an unwilling partner. You’ll be stuck and the clock will be running. Then you’re going to try and make him marry you. You’ll start courting his family, seeking to put pressure on him through them. You’ll befriend his sisters, worm your way into his mum’s heart. You’ll be the quintessential good girl. But you’re going to realize they’re powerless and can’t make him marry you. Their response will be a shrug, meaning they don’t like what he’s doing to you but it’s still his choice. It’s at this realization some deliberately get pregnant. At some point your parents will want to know what’s going on. That will mount pressure on you. More so when you know you haven’t closed the deal. You’re locked up by your investments – time, money, emotions, network, resources. You’ll even start playing the role of wife in advance, just to force him to do what he won’t do. The future is pretty clear isn’t it? Is this what you want?
Let’s see if he’ll still be interested in you if you don’t go and stay in his apartment during the lockdown period. And you can still communicate during lockdown, after all there’s something called Facetime.
Your mentor, LA.
© Leke Alder | firstname.lastname@example.org.Know when a guy’s heart is talking and when his libido is talking. If his heart is talking he’ll respect you, be considerate of you, treat you like a lady. He’ll be polite. #Letr2Jil Click To Tweet Nothing hurts more than giving your all and it’s depreciated to a mere physicality. #Letr2Jil Click To Tweet Let’s see if he’ll still be interested in you if you don’t go and stay in his apartment during the lockdown period. #Letr2Jil Click To Tweet