My dear Jack, I think the problem you’re having has to do with coping capacity for your position in your family. Yes, you’re not the first born in your family but life has thrust that responsibility on you. You’re the political first born. The inability of your brother, the actual first born to rise up to the challenge of being first born has thrust the role on you. A first born has to be up and doing. He must have drive. His life must inspire his siblings. And he MUST be successful, or he loses strength. A first born can’t be lazy or lethargic. It conflicts with sociological expectations and duty. And nature abhors a vacuum.