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Tag Archives: Wedding

My dear Jil, I was talking to a dear friend the other day and she told me as soon as she said “I do” she knew she had made a horrible mistake. That’s a terrible realisation on a wedding day. It’s sad to know that you just signed an agreement that will bring you grief. I wondered how she felt from that moment on, what her expectations were for the marriage. But of course such thoughts are swallowed up by festivities, until the next day when you’re alone with yourself. You wonder what you’ve done. Before that moment the momentum associated with planning a wedding carried her forward. The picking of wedding gown, the design of the cake, the enthusiasm of parents… These things can carry an apprehensive bride to the altar.

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We all have a past Jil, there’s none of us without a past. There’s none of us who hasn’t done something he or she is not ashamed of in life. We all have unrevealed stuff that make us cringe in regret, actions we’d rather not talk about, memories we’d rather not revisit. Unless of course you somehow did a quantum leap over the period of youth and arrived at adulthood suddenly. Even as adults there are things we’ve all done we’re ashamed of. Everybody has a past, everybody has a present. Agreed some pasts are grosser than others and some sins more egregious than others, but we’re all sinners.
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My dear Jil, you’re in a difficult situation. And to be honest with you I don’t understand your father. He’s holding you vicariously liable for the alleged sins of your mother. He’s punishing your mother by punishing you, by withholding consent to your wedding. It’s a proxy battle he’s waging. He’s fighting his ex wife through you and that doesn’t make sense! They’ve been divorced for how long now… 8 years? But he’s still fighting the battle. Kinda reminds one of those Japanese holdouts in the Pacific Theatre who continued to fight after end of World War II. Either they didn’t realize the war was over, or they held on to dogmatic beliefs. Continue reading

Dear Jil, economics is what’s delaying your wedding not malice. It’s pure economics. Your future in-laws can’t afford the wedding. They’ve hinted and even voiced it but you’re not paying attention. If you want to marry, it’s better to address their concerns, or they’ll keep postponing the wedding. This is the second postponement, and though I understand your unhappiness, the fact remains they have an economic challenge. Continue reading

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