My dear Jil, look, you’ll ruin your marriage with all these third party contractors you’ve imported. If history is any guide these third parties are sympathetic undertakers. They’re constructing the coffin for your marriage. And you’re not wise subjecting your marriage to the dictates and approval of these third parties. If you want to succeed in marriage you must become a student ofthe marital institution Continue reading
My dear Jil,
You can only eat your cake and have it if you’re a magician. And since you’re no magician it means you’re dedicating yourself to an impossible quest. You may actually be trying hard to fool yourself and that’s not something you should pursue. Self-deception is an act of self-delusion, and facts don’t change because we choose to delude ourselves. I really don’t understand how you can want to have a faithful and committed boyfriend if the scheme is friends with benefits. It’s a contradiction in terms isn’t it? And if you believe you can accomplish it then you must be a magician. Continue reading
My dear Jil,
There has to be agreeability in a relationship if it’s ever going to work. Both you and your husband must be agreeable, and achingly want your marriage to work if it’s going to work. You must desire the marriage. That desire has a magnetic quality to it. It’s a virtual marital glue. It binds souls together. There’s a difference between being in a marriage and being in a happy marriage. In a happy marriage the love is a non-negotiable. There can be differences of viewpoints on certain issues but both of you maintain agreeability. There can be disagreement without disagreeability. Continue reading
My dear Jil,
You said there’s this colleague of yours who seems very much interested in you in the office. You’re wondering whether to get involved with him since you both work in the same office. Well let’s first clarify the office issue. Be sure your corporate policy allows for office romance. Especially since he is superordinate to you. He’s your senior in the office. That in itself can lay him open to charges of sexual harassment. But I don’t envisage you going after him with that, though emotions can be vicious when there are disappointments. Continue reading
My dear Jil, yeah I read your mail and was a little disturbed by a statement you made. You said, and I quote, “Bad guys get the good girls!” That’s a dangerous article of faith you’ve stated there and I do hope you don’t believe you’re fated for difficulties. And in any case, there are so many good girls who got good guys, and so many good girls getting good guys. Just as there are many good guys who got good girls, and many good guys getting good girls. By the very nature of statistics there will of course always be an anomaly. There will be some bad guys who get good girls. Just as there will be many bad girls who get good guys, but those are probabilistic issues not rules. And even if the anomaly becomes the rule you must be the exception. Continue reading
Dear Jil,
Come on! I’m sure you know better than this. Come on! This guy’s going to make you cry with his infidelity. He’s a serial womanizer with a transit harem disposition. A guy says to you, you’re my “main chick” and you’re still asking if you should stay or quit the relationship! If you’re the main chick, it means there are subsidiary chicks. Your boyfriend is a public liability company (PLC). He has many shareholders. Are you so desperate for a relationship you’ll allow a guy to appellate you with ignominiousness? Perhaps in a perverse sort of way being called a main chick makes you feel special. You’re the main the main! But that’s not the kind of special you want, not if you want a wholesome relationship. The guy is taking you for granted and you’re consoling yourself with nonsense. Continue reading
My dear Jil, here are three common errors concerning marriage. I hope you avoid them.
The first error is the myth of marriage as a difficult thing – that it’s MEANT to be difficult. It’s a lie. That lie has been passed on from generation to generation. It’s gained credence and gathered moss with each passing. The very existence of very happy marriages assaults the veracity of this myth. Don’t adopt it as a philosophy. The myth persists because no one questioned its premises Continue reading
My dear Jil, let me simplify things for you. Let me concretise the basic parameters of choice for you. Seems you are not getting it. Perhaps it’s because it’s in prose form. Let’s do an exercise. This should help. Continue reading
Dear Jil, this marriage thing seems so simple and straightforward. But we somehow manage to complicate it. We complicate marriage with our willfulness, our stubbornness, and ignorance. Continue reading