My dear Jack, the reason you fell into this trap is because you dated without recourse to reference. What do I mean by that? It’s like when you apply for a job. Your new employer will write your old employer for an opinion about you. You’re also asked to provide referees. These are not just formalities. They’re sources of intelligence. At that point in time those referees know more about you than what your new employer could have extracted in interviews. If you’re a crook for example your old employer will say. And if you were a wonderful staff your old employer will make powerful recommendation. The system bridges the knowledge gap for your new employer. It’s professional courtesy from one employer to another.