My dear Jil, it’s a desolate world. And everything we held dear, everything we thought was important has suddenly lost significance. Continue reading
My dear Jil, it’s a desolate world. And everything we held dear, everything we thought was important has suddenly lost significance. Continue reading
Dear Jack, I think it’s about that saying about knowing how to be abased and how to abound. Finance is a major thing in marriage. I’ve told you that before. Not properly handled it can dislocate a marriage. It’s wise to know where your wife is coming from. It will help you understand her attitude to some things. You can see for example that she’s particular about financial security for the family. It’s because of what she deems her father’s mistakes. When you know where your wife is coming from you will have insight into her motivations and fears. For instance she’s against relatives coming to stay over during vacation. That’s coming from somewhere, she’s not being difficult. Continue reading
We all have a past Jil, there’s none of us without a past. There’s none of us who hasn’t done something he or she is not ashamed of in life. We all have unrevealed stuff that make us cringe in regret, actions we’d rather not talk about, memories we’d rather not revisit. Unless of course you somehow did a quantum leap over the period of youth and arrived at adulthood suddenly. Even as adults there are things we’ve all done we’re ashamed of. Everybody has a past, everybody has a present. Agreed some pasts are grosser than others and some sins more egregious than others, but we’re all sinners.
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My dear Jack, seems a tough one but let’s walk through the issues. The first thing you should be thankful about is that you have an honest girlfriend. She could have hidden the fact. You wouldn’t have known if she hadn’t told you, and that goes to her character. She has conscience at least. And she doesn’t want to marry you under false pretences hence the disclosure. If she’s the type that just wants to marry, she’ll never tell you. You’ll find out after one random blood test. Continue reading
My dear Jack, the simple truth is, both of you are generating different realities from the same set of facts. And that’s because each of you is processing the facts through his or her desire. She wants a much earlier wedding, you want a latter wedding. That simple fact is at the root of the issues in this relationship. It’s what is affecting the relationship, it’s what is determining and driving the interpretation of facts.
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Dear Jack, it’s important you discern the spirit of someone you’re considering dating. Rather than just being moved by superficial realities. What’s on the surface is being projected. The nice dress, makeup, the affectations, the sexiness…all those are projections. Those projections won’t give you a true picture of somebody, just an impression. Projections are independent of character. Projections won’t give you insight into the spirit or real nature of someone. A devious person can wear fitted skirt and look attractive. The prettiness of the skirt is not the true knowledge of the person. And anyway mass media has sold us an imagery of a cosmopolitan woman. You’ve been programmed by reality TV. That someone looks fine, dresses fine can’t tell you the character of the person. You have to discover that. The character is independent of the dressing. The dress is mere fashion, an artistic endeavour. So you may find yourself appreciating a dress rather than evaluating the character of the model you’re considering dating.
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My dear Jil, here are three common errors concerning marriage. I hope you avoid them.
The first error is the myth of marriage as a difficult thing – that it’s MEANT to be difficult. It’s a lie. That lie has been passed on from generation to generation. It’s gained credence and gathered moss with each passing. The very existence of very happy marriages assaults the veracity of this myth. Don’t adopt it as a philosophy. The myth persists because no one questioned its premises Continue reading
