Dear Jack, you’re a victim of surround sound technology! You may not realise this but some babes are sound engineers. They know how to engineer surround sound. What is “surround sound”? It’s the surrounding of a man with incessant phone calls and the constant sound of text messaging. When you wake up in the morning there’s a loving text waiting for you. When you go to bed at night there’s a text ushering you to sleep. She’s the first person you talk to in the morning (even before God), she’s the last person you talk to at night. She’s your MTN advert personification: Everywhere you go! Darling, Sweetheart, Love, Baby, Sugar, Honey… She gat you! Even if she calls you meat pie you’ll still be happy! Her words are mashing up your brain. Your body tingles in anticipation of those phonic expressions of endearment! “How was your night darling?” “Was the pillow ok sweetheart?” “Have you eaten honey?” “Baby what will you wear for me today?” “Sweety,” [pronounced “sweedy”] “was the ride to the office okay?” “Honey, do you want me to cook for you?”