My dear Jil, was so nice meeting you in Houston! We were glad – wife and I. Told you you’ll overcome! Given all you’ve been through you can legitimately claim to be a conqueror. You can’t give up on your singing. You’ve got to keep at it. You’re a beautiful and talented singer! It’s important you sing so you feel fulfilled using your talent. Continue reading
Dear Jack, the thing about marriage is that it’s easy to just “settle in”. It’s easy for a marriage to become something quotidian – a routine exercise of life, something we do mindlessly. Continue reading
My dear Jil, I was at the Freedom Foundation documentary screening penultimate Saturday and what a documentary! It was about the great work being done by that organization. It’s led by Dr. Tony Rapu. Continue reading
My dear Jil, I’m going to talk to you about a virtue not in abundance in this world of ours – patience! Marriage requires patience. Couples have to be patient with each other. Very patient. If you keep flying off the handle, you’re not going to have a happy marriage. Will be full of tension. Besides, it’ll provoke an equal and opposite reaction in the counterparty, your spouse. Two can’t afford to be mad at the same time in a marriage. A wise party will defer even legitimate feelings in that situation. In a marriage, emotions have consequential value. We’re either building our marriage or tearing it down, daily. When in anger we say unconscionable things to our partner we forget we can’t take the words back. And words are powerful. Words can damage human psyche, words can eviscerate affection. If there’s something you should be mindful of in marriage, it’s words. Spouses are supposed to build each other up, not tear each other down. Spouses are meant to be supportive, not denigrative. Continue reading
Dear Jack, you’ve got to loosen up. Loosen up. There ought to be fun in marriage. You can’t be all that serious in marriage. Yes, marriage is serious stuff but there should be fun and play. You’re going to spend the rest of your life with this person. Make the history being created fun! That kind of relationship should accommodate a range of emotions and experiences that are joyful. Life is hard enough, times are tough enough. You’ve got to find moments of laughter and happiness with your partner. Both you and your wife ought to have your rituals of joy. It begins by not taking yourself too seriously, letting your guard down, being willing to be made fun of. Continue reading
Dear Jil, I think it’s good for husband and wife to share, to talk about things – issues and life’s challenges. Marriage makes a burden lighter. Two can share a problem, two can think together, pray together. And when discouragement comes you draw strength from your partner. That’s why marriage is a binary equation. Carrying the load yourself may prove too much for you. Share the burden with your partner. The more you share burdens and issues the closer you become. Both of you are involved in each other’s life. Continue reading
Love is what makes all the difference, and you’ll be doing yourself a lot of harm marrying someone who doesn’t love you. What’s the point really? What’s the point of a marriage without love or affection? Why go into such? Without love marriage becomes a dry fig. There’s a harshness about it. It’s a coarse grainy dryness. Such dryness has the micro rough quality of a harmattan haze. It’s dusty and wheezy. A marriage without love is unimaginable yet imaginable. Continue reading
