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Tag Archives: Life

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Dear Jack, I want you to focus and determine your priorities. As a man you have to be mindful of achievement. Whether we acknowledge such or not, your determination to succeed will impact your girlfriend’s love for you. Being real! No one wants to date a loser! Or a non-achiever. You’ve got to focus on achievement.
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My dear Jil, I’m not sure you got what he’s trying to say. I think both of you are lost in translation. And things get further lost in translation as we try to narrate marital problems to third parties. The reason is simple. Every time we try to relate issues in a marriage to a third party we do so with an objective. We relay problems in marriage to third parties with a view to achieving vindication. And that objective colours the truth. Our objective makes us unobjective however we try. Why Solomon said every story sounds true until you hear the other side. It means we downplay some things and omit salient facts. Continue reading

Dear Jack, I don’t think you should be under any illusions concerning your girlfriend even though you’re in love with her. You’ve got to come to terms with the facts of your partner, the reality concerning her. That you deny facts about your partner won’t make them go away. Closing one eye and looking at life with one finger right in front of the other eye presents an eliminated slice of reality. Continue reading

Dear Jack, when I visited him, he spoke about puttering around, looking for remote control of the air-conditioning unit. She doesn’t know this, he said, but each time she leaves for work before him, he has to search for so many things. And she never puts off her side-lamp when she leaves for work. She leaves it on. He switches off the appliance. Continue reading

Happy New Year! Madam says to say hi! Yes, I read the comment posted by the gentleman but it still goes back to false definition of manliness. Continue reading

Dear Jil,

‘Tis that season again. The season of Christmas. It’s the season of love and joy, and goodwill to all men. What I want to do in this letter is bring to your remembrance some of the things we shared in the course of the year. I do hope you’ve bought the gift for your husband. Make it something special for him. Well, here are the nuggets from our discussions this year. Enjoy! Continue reading

Dear Jack,
The year is gradually winding down. It is on its last inhalation of oxygen, and what a year it has been! I guess it’s time to begin stock taking, to start looking back over the year, to detail accomplishments, pursuits. It’s time to reminisce over moments, to meditate on our journey of arrival at the now, to exhale in thoughts. As we do, the character and temperament of the year begin to coalesce in our hearts; its colouration emerges. A lot of data would of course have been lost to human nature. Once a prayer is answered we toss the prayer receipt and invoice into the dustbin of history. It’s why I keep a diary of gratitude. At the end of the year I shall indulge in the mercies recorded therein. 
Has the year been fantastic? Some will definitely say No. But the probability quotient of life will quote an African proverb: “Even if the size of the pot is the dimension of a groundnut shell some will still feed bounteously.” In other words, any given year will be fantastic for some as it is dismal for others. We’ll always have a mixed bag: Some amarrying, some abreaking. Some afulfilled, some awanting. There’s a tendency to define our lives however by our greatest want. Yet life is not the size of our want. It’s far bigger. Our lives are bigger than our needs and disappointments.
There’s a lot to be thankful for. Even in disappointments. You’re alive! There are many who didn’t make it this far – people we knew, people we loved, people we fought. It is in the manner of irony therefore that disappointments validate life. The dead don’t get disappointed. Death is the cessation of all passions. When we die all our wants and needs die. Be thankful no matter what; be thankful however what; be thankful whatever what. God watches out for thankfulness. Remember the ten blokes Jesus healed of leprosy? Only one returned to give thanks and Jesus noted the fact: Where are the others? He asked. Unthankfulness stumps even God. Thankfulness is a measure of character. The man who is thankful for the benevolence of the past qualifies himself as a candidate of grace. Why don’t you be that grateful leper?
Leprosy is a social affliction. It’s anything that makes people avoid us, that turns us into social pariahs. It can be lack of money; or our background, or lack of opportunities, or life’s difficulties… Leprosy is leprosy.
If despite your background you’re making your way up the ladder of life, then God has cured you of leprosy. Be thankful! 
If despite all you’ve been through you still get invited to social functions, then God has cured you of leprosy. Be thankful! 
If despite this year your friends are still around you, then God has cured you of leprosy. Be thankful! 
If despite your economic woes your wife still stands by you, then God has cured you of leprosy. Be thankful! 
If despite all’s been said about you that special someone still loves you, then God has cured you of leprosy. Be thankful! 
Be thankful, not only to God but to all those who have contributed to the bank of mercy from which you drew. Unexpressed, thankfulness atrophies into a corpse of ingratitude; it is buried in the tomb of the heart. The expression of gratitude is the magnitude of appreciatedness, the longitude of humility. If you have a lovely wife, thank God for her; and thank her. If you have a devoted and loving girlfriend thank God for her; and thank her. The woman with a wonderful husband or boyfriend must do the same. It’s even more expressive to demonstrate thankfulness with gifts. This season buy meaningful presents. 
The harsh definition of the unthankful is ingrate. And there are many ingrates in life, like those nine lepers. Ingrates take gifts for granted. Ingrates exhibit a sense of entitlement. Ingrates are amnesic. Don’t be an ingrate.
And lest I be found guilty of breach of that which I preach, I want to express my thanks. I want to thank Almighty God… for EVERYTHING! Where do I begin, whence do I alight? For His gift of life, His gift of wisdom, uncommon insight, perspicacity, communicative expressiveness… God’s love is past participle, present continuous, future perfect. For #Letr2Jack, #Letr2Jil, #NOVUS, #Gov, #JesusMBA, #Phil401, Moving On!… I thank God!
I want to thank my beautiful wife: for the gift of her heart, her special brand of love… What a woman God gave me!
I want to thank my wonderful children: for loving Daddy so much; for making Daddy proud, always!
I want to thank my parents: for all the investments they made educating me, teaching me values. 
I want to thank the devoted staff of Alder Consulting. Without their parapet of support even this letter will not be. 
I want to thank my friends, and my bigger family, including those wonderful sisters-in-law of mine. 
And I want to thank my devoted tweeps. You took the message of wholesomeness into the corners of the globe. 
I want to thank all who donated towards the surgery of Ifeoma Obinani. May the moon not afflict you.
I want to thank those who participated in Moving On!. For your courage and trust. 
Thank you so much everyone. May the Good Lord keep us and shower his blessings on us. 
Merry Christmas, and a happy and Prosperous New Year in advance! See you next year. 
Yours faithfully, Leke Alder.
©Leke Alder 2013

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Dear Jil,

I want to share an insight with you this morning. I had gone to the cinema with my wife and as we drove back I stared into the night through the window of my thoughts. And then a profoundness hit me.

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Dear Jil,

You’re in a tough situation right now. I know you’ve begged him and all that, and your family even got involved. But a man feels deeply hurt and betrayed in such circumstances. Put yourself in his shoes.

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