My dear Jack, it is important you have romance in your marriage; otherwise it will taste like dry bread. It’s bread alright, and will satisfy certain nutritional requirements; but it will be lacking in aesthetic flavour. And that aesthetic flavour is what makes marriage enjoyable and amiable. Without romance marriage becomes functional, even utilitarian. Continue reading
Dear Jack, there just comes a point you must say to yourself, “You know what, I’m done with womanizing!” You say to yourself, “I’m done, and I’m just going to face my wife and marriage.” Then you’ll discover the liberty and emotional depth in your marriage. Continue reading
My dear Jack, no one can force you to marry whom you don’t want to marry. Choice of marital mate is your prerogative. Marriage is an act of will. It’s why we say, “I do”. That presupposes we can say, “I don’t”, even at the altar! You shouldn’t marry under compulsion. If you don’t want to marry someone, don’t! But that doesn’t absolve you of responsibility for the natural consequences of your actions: If you impregnate someone you’ve got to take responsibility for the pregnancy. And please don’t tell me the pregnancy was a mistake. Considering how pregnancy comes about, how can it be a mistake? You went into a young woman. You impregnated her according to the order of nature. If you were not mistaken with penetrative deliberateness, how come the result of your ardour is now tagged a “mistake”? Continue reading
*Warning! Graphic content.
My dear Jack, if you want to put out a fire you cut off the oxygen supply. When you cut off the oxygen supply you weaken the fire. Then you can go after the residual rage of the fire. If it’s imprudent not cutting off the oxygen supply to stop a fire, imagine feeding the flame with accelerant to kill it. If you want to stop your addiction to masturbation, cut off the accelerant and oxygen to the flame in your groin – porn! You can’t be gourmandizing on porn and claim to want to stop addiction to masturbation. A fire fed accelerant won’t die. Continue reading
My dear Jack, the average young man will pass through four stages in life post-graduation. By average I’m not talking about a young dude from a very rich home. He’s not an average young man. I’m talking about the young man born without a spoon – silver or wooden. Or without fork and knife. He needs to buy. He’ll struggle at the beginning as he strives to make it in life. He’s got to be driven if he wants to succeed. His relationship dynamics will follow the cadence of his historicity from stage to stage. Continue reading
Dear Jack, there’s that mistaken belief marriage is a one-way traffic system, not a two-lane highway. If you stick to that erroneous belief and start exercising one-sided faith in your relationship, your emotions will be at risk. Continue reading
[This letter is not for everyone. It’s for those who’re human, those struggling with their nature]. Continue reading
Dear Jack, nobody knows what killed the squirrel. We just woke up and found the poor bloke dead. Oh, we saw him foraging in the woods surrounding our villa. Some of those trees are hundreds of years old. The maximum span of the life of a squirrel is of course infinitesimal in comparison. But that’s the order of nature – the old provide for the young. Let’s call our squirrel Tom, though why exactly that name I don’t know. Just sounds OK. Continue reading
Dear Jack, there’s that other aspect of husbanding people don’t consider. It’s called fatherhood! You’ll be surprised how much being a good father to your children is a measure of your value as a husband. It’s all about a sense of responsibility – being responsible for your family. Which in a way is a measure of love for your wife – no loving husband abdicates parental responsibility. There are too many women playing the role of father because the real dad won’t show up or step up. Continue reading
Jack, something is bothering you and you need to discuss whatever it is with your wife. You can’t be having irregular sex with your wife at wide intervals and not expect her to wonder why. It’s usually the men who complain of not enough sex but in your instance it’s your wife complaining. You’re away from town on your job all week, sometimes all month. That’s your life as an oil-rig engineer. It makes sense therefore that when you come home, it will be a fun-filled and sexually fulfilling weekend. But the sex in your marriage is almost quarterly now, like a corporate account. That can’t bode well for a young marriage. Continue reading