Letter to Jack

My dear Jack, I’m not sure you’ve heard of the Joseph Equation? Well I’ll tell you!

From the Biblical trilogy of the genealogy of Abraham we know Joseph was sold into slavery by his brothers. It was a gruesome experience – possibly consanguineous to the trauma of the 276 girls kidnapped by Boko Haram in Nigeria. His life progressed on a journey of indeterminate fate. He finally got a reprieve from being bought by a high ranking Egyptian state official, Portiphar. But then things got complicated when Mrs. Portiphar, his master’s lecherous wife decided to bed him. She wasn’t known for concupiscent subtlety, and when he spurned her advances, she unleashed the furies of hell. Poor Joseph landed in prison on a trumped up charge of rape and aggravated assault. No trial or possibility of parole.

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My dear Jack, there was a gentleman named Julius Moses. And he had a son. He named him Junior. His father had named him Julius because he was besotted with stories of the military conquests of Julius Caesar. Indeed he was named Julius long before he was conceived! He kept up the family tradition and taught his son, Junior about Julius Caesar.

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My dear Jack, I’m not sure it’s advisable to create a generic profile for women. Yes, there are basic commonalities but every woman has her unique identity. Same goes for men. I do concede though that there are broad spectra. Let’s call these spectra personality typologies. But as useful as these personality typologies may be we still have to come to terms with the peculiarities of the individual.

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Dear Jack, you’re a victim of surround sound technology! You may not realise this but some babes are sound engineers. They know how to engineer surround sound. What is “surround sound”? It’s the surrounding of a man with incessant phone calls and the constant sound of text messaging. When you wake up in the morning there’s a loving text waiting for you. When you go to bed at night there’s a text ushering you to sleep. She’s the first person you talk to in the morning (even before God), she’s the last person you talk to at night. She’s your MTN advert personification: Everywhere you go! Darling, Sweetheart, Love, Baby, Sugar, Honey… She gat you! Even if she calls you meat pie you’ll still be happy! Her words are mashing up your brain. Your body tingles in anticipation of those phonic expressions of endearment! “How was your night darling?” “Was the pillow ok sweetheart?” “Have you eaten honey?” “Baby what will you wear for me today?” “Sweety,” [pronounced “sweedy”] “was the ride to the office okay?” “Honey, do you want me to cook for you?”

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My dear Jack, I think you worry too much about what people will say in any given situation. It paralyses you, immobilises you and reduces your energy commitment to your vision. You second guess and third guess yourself. Because of this you can’t go in decisively on any scheme.

You worry because you don’t yet understand the mechanics of public opinion, or how the world runs. Opinion is not necessarily a thought out position despite what the word sounds like. Opinions are not necessarily processed cogitations either. They’re just proprietary expressions of individuals. Opinion is the biggest fundamental human right franchise. Everybody has an opinion. Everybody will have an opinion. Most times (99% of the time actually) opinions are expressions of prejudice, and hidden and not so hidden agenda.

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Dear Jack, as you know these are trying times for everyone. What with abducted young girls and bomb blasts… I know you’re going through your own trials too…

Pick up any historical on any stock offering and you’ll notice something curious. No matter the trajectory of the stock it is almost like a topography, as if you’re looking at a landscape of hills. The curves are jagged with micro rises and falls. It’s like climbing a summit. Sometimes the curves drop precipitously, then they pick up, determined in ascent. Those rises and falls represent the performance of the stock on a daily basis. However if you’re looking at yearly performance with substantial intervals you may not see the micro rises and falls. But you will see the big drops and the long arduous climbs. The curves will however be smoother. In other words it all depends on how closely you zoom in and what metric of intervals you’re considering. Those stock graphs mirror life- the life of any man or woman. Life is full of ups and downs on many dimensions. Because we’re not close to the details of the lives of others we can’t see the micro peaks and dips.

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Dear Jack, I saw a Pirelli advert the other day… don’t know if you’ve ever seen it. The copy reads: “Power is nothing without control – Pirelli.” I think it’s a classic.

One of the biggest temptations you’ll face in life is the ability to manage your capabilities, to resist temptation and provocation, ignore insults. I see many struggle with this on social media. If you engage in digital fisticuffs with virtual thugs, people can’t tell the difference. You must develop capacity to ignore digital insolence. Some people just want attention. Ignore them.

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Dear Jack, she’s AS, you’re AS and you’re madly in love. Should you marry her? You want me to answer. You’re afraid one or more of your children will have the SS genotype. If she’s AS and you’re AS, there are three probable biological outcomes: AS, SS, AA. Nature will throw a biological dice! You can’t predict how many of your children will take on each of the genotypes. Has to do with inheritance patterns. All the children may wind up SS; and they may all wind up AA; or AS. Or nature can be a mixologist.

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My dear Jack, you’ve probably never heard of a town called Iloko. It’s a rather small town in South West Nigeria that is punching above its weight. Its most significant edifice is the famed Olasore International School (OIS), though it will soon host a golf course. As it happens in other climes that school single handedly put the town on the map.

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Dear Jack, I think we tend to confuse friendship with fraternalisation and socialisation. That you fraternise or socialise with someone doesn’t mean he’s your friend. If you don’t segregate social buddies from true friends, you have a huge disappointment coming on.

Even the Bible aggregates friendship into cadres. There are true friends it says. “Friends come and friends go but a true friend sticks by you like family.” (Proverbs 18:24 MSG). In other words if he takes off in your time of trouble – abandons you, he’s not a true friend. If he distances himself from you in your dark hour, he’s not a true friend either. A true friend is loyal. If you ever run into trouble and your “friends” are found wanting, I advice you review your sociology.

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