My dear Jil, remember that couple we spoke about, the man and woman with beatific marriage? Well, when I asked him why he loved her so much his answers proved telling. There’s an ease about her, he says. Things are so easy. There’s a fit between them. It’s kind of hard to explain. It’s why he says relationships must not be enforced or forced. Continue reading
My dear Jack, seems a tough one but let’s walk through the issues. The first thing you should be thankful about is that you have an honest girlfriend. She could have hidden the fact. You wouldn’t have known if she hadn’t told you, and that goes to her character. She has conscience at least. And she doesn’t want to marry you under false pretences hence the disclosure. If she’s the type that just wants to marry, she’ll never tell you. You’ll find out after one random blood test. Continue reading
My dear Jack, this thing is not an “either…or” scenario. It’s not compulsory you choose either lady as wife. Let’s think through. Take the first lady. She is an inveterate liar you said you can’t trust. She’s only interested in you because her gamble with the guy she went after didn’t pay off. Continue reading
“My dear Jil, it’s our wedding anniversary. As usual I have decided to pen a missive to you. It’s a diarisation of my appreciation, a documentation of the state of my heart, a gesture of gratitude.
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My dear Jack, well, if she earns higher than you what can you do? It’s what it is. I mean, you can’t tell her employer to reduce her pay because she earns higher than you! “Increase my salary because my girlfriend earns higher than I” is obviously not tenable in the corporate sector. Someone is bound to ask, why don’t you date someone earning lower than you if it’s a real concern?
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My dear Jack, the simple truth is, both of you are generating different realities from the same set of facts. And that’s because each of you is processing the facts through his or her desire. She wants a much earlier wedding, you want a latter wedding. That simple fact is at the root of the issues in this relationship. It’s what is affecting the relationship, it’s what is determining and driving the interpretation of facts.
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My dear Jack, you have to keep accumulating value in your marriage. It’s how you become valuable and your marriage grows stronger. You cannot remain the young man who married. As the years progress, there must be maturation and value addition. When you marry as a young man, you are a potentiated entity. But you can’t go through the lifetime of the marriage a potential. At some point, potential has to manifest in concrete terms. It can’t forever remain a potential.
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My dear Jack, every relationship has an equilibrium base. It’s a place of tranquillity, a place of rest. At that equilibrium there’s peace in a relationship, there’s harmony, there’s joy.
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Jack, there’s a balance somewhere and it’s not always easy to find. You don’t want to be isolated as a man, but at the same time you don’t want your wife feeling threatened and insecure. Both of you have to work out a balance, you have to develop and nurture mutual understanding. Put first things first – your wife has to be #1 in all you do. That’s non-negotiable. Continue reading
