Tag Archives: Attraction

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My dear Jil, initials are not enough. By initials I mean the things you did to attract each other, the state of the relationship when you met, leading up to marriage. You must realise there are two eras in a relationship. There’s the premarital state and the post-marital state. The rules that govern them differ. Continue reading →

My dear Jil, I’ll try and answer your questions and address those issues. The definition of beauty from a man’s perspective is actually more complicated than even men realise. It’s why it seems we don’t know what we want sometimes. In practical terms, we tend to separate attraction quality beauty from relationship quality beauty, from ogling quality beauty. These are complicated mechanics. I’m just trying to break them down artificially. It’s actually a mesh of overlapping and integrated gears.

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My dear Jil, let me tell you a story. There was this guy who always seemed to over-reach. He never sought to date according to his station in life, he always reached above his station. He had an unestablished car repair business, was moderately educated, was not blessed with good looks or good anatomy though he imagined otherwise. He didn’t have much money either. He struggled with finance. But he was blind to all these. He somehow felt his calling in life was to date the most beautiful women in his local assembly, and not just beautiful women but rich, beautiful women. As one can imagine, it takes guts to date a rich beautiful woman. You need a sense of self, and also your own money. You hardly get respect living off a woman. If you don’t want to be known as a toy boy to a rich woman, you must have sufficient means relative to the status of the woman. That brings respect.

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My dear Jil, I will be failing in my duty as your mentor if I do not present an accurate and complete picture of life to you. The very nature of life can get lost in the crack of discussions about love and marriage. Such discussions naturally evoke imageries of romanticism, beauty, love and harmony. And yet all those are contextualised within a frame called life.

Here’s the thing about life: Life is tough! Man is born unto trouble. Only the strong survive. You must be strong. You must survive. You cannot afford to be weak. You cannot afford to give up. You cannot afford to turn back.

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My dear Jil, I’ll try and explain it to you, this friendship stuff. But we’ll need to do some visualisation. It’s my way of “seeing” things. Imagine a long span bridge. Rather long. At one end you have “Sex” signage, and then just few meters after, you have “Romance.” Then imagine that at the very other end you have “Obligations,” and further after, you have “Disagreement.” And so at one extreme, you have “Sex” and “Romance,” and at the other end you have “Obligations” and “Disagreement.” Continue reading →

My dear Jil, this has to be one of the most painful letters I ever wrote; it’s a letter I wish I didn’t have to write. But first, thank you for calling me the other day. Was refreshing hearing from you. I had actually put out word for you since I didn’t have your contact details. I’d asked your friends. Was told you were abroad. You can imagine my pleasant surprise hearing your voice on Thursday. It’s been a long time since we spoke.
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Come on Jack, there’s something called anticipatory affection and there’s also responsorial affection. If she sends you a kisses emoticon that’s anticipatory affection. She’s anticipating a like-minded response. If you send back a similar emoticon that’s responsorial affection. These things have nuances. Continue reading →

My dear Jil, the problem is you keep dating the wrong guys, it’s not that you have a string of bad luck with guys. You keep dating guys that are neither right for you nor care about you, guys who just want to exploit you. Funny thing is you know from onset these guys aren’t right for you but you plunge on all the same, just because you feel you must have a man.
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My dear Jack, seems to me you’re speed-dating women. No, I’m not talking about the other variety – those events in which you’re given two minutes to consider dating someone. Or is that the date? You can see the conceptual paradox. You can’t achieve a reasonable objective in that context. At best those programmes are about eliminating whom not to date, and such a person must be an obvious misfit. The whole thing seems like guess work on a multiple choice exam paper. You go for such events with the attitude of “Who knows!” rather than “I’m sure to meet someone.” It’s really not that efficient when it comes to qualitative decisioning. The structure favours certain stereotypes – guys and babes who can make their case in two minutes flat. There’s just something rushed about it, something superficial. That’s why I said it’s at best an elimination exercise. You’re at the mercy of the quality of the pool of prospects. But that’s not what I want to talk to you about.
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