Tag Archives: Character

Dear Jil, I do understand how you feel. Not being approached by any male can make one feel underappreciated. I think you need to change one or two things. Let’s try that and see the result. You see, I’ve always been intrigued by one particular statement of Solomon: “He that hath friends must show himself friendly.” It’s a very powerful and loaded statement. The depth is not that obvious. The statement posits two things. First, if you want friends you have to have a friendly disposition. That’s attitudinal. Second, if you want to have friends you must be proactive. Friendship is thus conditional.
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My dear Jack, I’m sure you’ve heard about The Seven Deadly Sins. They’re the stuff of legend in Hollywood. There’s even a movie with that title, though of a disturbing nature. The movie is about a psychopath. (Why do they always have those psychopaths for these things?) The seven deadly sins are Solomonic actually. They are the seven abominations. Though “The Parson’s Tale” in Chaucer’s Canterbury Tales as well as artworks like Dante’s Purgatory, help illustrate the sins. If you want to have a successful marriage you have to be mindful of the seven deadly sins.
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My dear Jil, I do understand your devastation concerning his choice. You can’t imagine him picking the other lady. I know you’re wondering why he went for her and not you. You are after all “more qualified.” Yes, I do agree you have pedigree and stronger social qualities. You’re intelligent, culturally literate, well-travelled, exposed, even kind… It’s just that you’re stubborn!  Continue reading →

My dear Jack, you don’t even know yourself though you think you do. You have no idea who you are. You just think you have self-knowledge. Young men can be that way – so confident and full of hubris. Only the confidence is vacuous. It’s what makes them prone to mistakes of choice of marriage partner – the confidence of ignorance.  Continue reading →

Dear Jack, the thing about men is that we’re prone to dating simulacra – images and representations. Men are visual and therefore they get carried away with imagery. The answer seems to lie in scriptures. The first man was made from the virtual raw materials of image and likeness. Thus men are prone to image and likeness. It’s why I tell women to LOOK good. Men are wired for looks, whereas women are wired for words.

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Dear Jack, have you ever read something and a phrase just leaps at you in a powerful embrace? Sometimes it’s because the phrase is planted outside its textual native soil. It leaps desperately into your consciousness. Well, I’m studying the biography of Daniel and this phrase just leapt at me – “Daniel, man of quality.” It’s one of those iconic phrases, like “A man for all seasons”. That’s the title of the equally iconic play by Robert Bolt. The Tudors TV series is actually a dramatisation of the issues in A Man For All Seasons.

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Dear Jack, I think we tend to confuse friendship with fraternalisation and socialisation. That you fraternise or socialise with someone doesn’t mean he’s your friend. If you don’t segregate social buddies from true friends, you have a huge disappointment coming on.

Even the Bible aggregates friendship into cadres. There are true friends it says. “Friends come and friends go but a true friend sticks by you like family.” (Proverbs 18:24 MSG). In other words if he takes off in your time of trouble – abandons you, he’s not a true friend. If he distances himself from you in your dark hour, he’s not a true friend either. A true friend is loyal. If you ever run into trouble and your “friends” are found wanting, I advice you review your sociology.

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Dear Jack,

You want to know what you should take into consideration in choosing a partner? Oh waoh! Let me share a parable with you.

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Dear Jack,

I’m a bit concerned about some of the things I see going on. Seems our societal values are now so warped distortions are normative.

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