Tag Archives: Understanding

My dear Jack, at some point you’ll have to ask yourself what your wife really wants. Note that it’s not a generic thing common to all women. It’s something peculiar to her, something particularly her. When you know what that thing is – and chances are she’ll have told you in one of your conversations, then you have to look at the implications, understand the implications. If your wife for example tells you she “just wants to be happy,” commonsense dictates that’s not giddiness she’s talking about. It’s something deep, probably goes to her childhood. One implication is that she can’t handle strife at home. Some people are good at malice. They keep malice for months, and even years. Not her. For her, quarrels have to be resolved speedily. The more quarrels drag on the unhappier she becomes. It can break her down. She just can’t handle strife. Such a person can’t be vindictive of course. Vindictive people are retaliatory. They will do things to injure, hurt or spite their partner. Not her. Find out what your wife really wants, know the implications, respond to it. If you do every other thing and don’t fulfil that desire all your effort will count for nothing.

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Come on Jack, there’s something called anticipatory affection and there’s also responsorial affection. If she sends you a kisses emoticon that’s anticipatory affection. She’s anticipating a like-minded response. If you send back a similar emoticon that’s responsorial affection. These things have nuances. Continue reading →

My dear Jack, you can’t marry on another person’s timetable. You marry when you know you’re ready. The problem you have is that you’re dating someone four years older than you. That has its own pressure. To be sure, she’s also under pressure from her family. They want her to marry fast. What she’s simply done is transfer the pressure to you, but you’re nowhere near ready.
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My dear Jil, it’s important you distinguish between love and sentimental expression of love. The two are not the same and if you don’t distinguish them you may break your marriage. A man may deeply and sincerely love you but may be poor at sentimental expression. That he is lacking in the sentimental department doesn’t mean he doesn’t love you, he just needs to work on that. Of course, your feelings are legitimate, a man ought to express his love and appreciation to his wife. But you can’t say a man who works so hard to take care of you doesn’t love you. That will be unfair.
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Dear Jil, I want you to be sensitive in your marriage. It’s the seeming lack of sensitivity that is causing the problems you have in your marriage. Of course, you’re not a selfish person. Forgive your husband for saying that in anger. He ought to have been careful about what he said. He’s going through some tough time in his business. You need to be sensitive about that. To his credit, he’s still meeting all the obligations at home, though he sometimes strains himself. Of course, he knows you’ve been a solid partner, picking up the slacks, doing your bit quietly. He knows you’re understanding, fundamentally. And that’s good.
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Dear Jack, marriage is a continuous education programme, especially for the man. That’s what Peter said. He said to dwell with your wife with knowledge. Means your marriage will always be an adult education programme. There are fundamental things you need to learn about women in general. (They’re different from us). But there is proprietary knowledge you need to acquire about your wife in particular.

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My dear Jack, there was a gentleman named Julius Moses. And he had a son. He named him Junior. His father had named him Julius because he was besotted with stories of the military conquests of Julius Caesar. Indeed he was named Julius long before he was conceived! He kept up the family tradition and taught his son, Junior about Julius Caesar.

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Dear Jil,

In the last few weeks I have been examining my heart, analysing my sharings with you. My cogitation moves me to write you about deeper issues. You must grapple the serious dimensions of marriage for example. If you want your husband to appreciate you more, this judgment you must cultivate. It’s good for any relationship.

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My dear Jil,

My dear Jil, I know you’re upset but hear me out…ok?

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