Dear Jack, nobody knows what killed the squirrel. We just woke up and found the poor bloke dead. Oh, we saw him foraging in the woods surrounding our villa. Some of those trees are hundreds of years old. The maximum span of the life of a squirrel is of course infinitesimal in comparison. But that’s the order of nature – the old provide for the young. Let’s call our squirrel Tom, though why exactly that name I don’t know. Just sounds OK. Continue reading
My dear Jil, have you ever sat down to read a book and certain words just seem to leap at you from the pages? Well, I was reading the Words of Isaiah the other day and a statement just leaped at me! Even more intriguing is the fact that I felt the words were meant for you. I can’t explain the feeling. I am therefore going to share them with you. Continue reading
Dear Jack, there’s that other aspect of husbanding people don’t consider. It’s called fatherhood! You’ll be surprised how much being a good father to your children is a measure of your value as a husband. It’s all about a sense of responsibility – being responsible for your family. Which in a way is a measure of love for your wife – no loving husband abdicates parental responsibility. There are too many women playing the role of father because the real dad won’t show up or step up. Continue reading
My dear Jil, the notion of rights without responsibility defeats the very purpose of a relationship. You can’t have expectations of your spouse or partner and not imagine you owe him responsibilities too. A relationship conceptually breaks down when one side expects but has no sense of obligation to the other party. That is not the formula for a happy marriage or happy ending. It’s not a balance-sheet, it’s a one-sided ledger. And it’s a debit system. Someone keeps withdrawing from the emotional bank of the relationship, never deposits. Continue reading
Jack, something is bothering you and you need to discuss whatever it is with your wife. You can’t be having irregular sex with your wife at wide intervals and not expect her to wonder why. It’s usually the men who complain of not enough sex but in your instance it’s your wife complaining. You’re away from town on your job all week, sometimes all month. That’s your life as an oil-rig engineer. It makes sense therefore that when you come home, it will be a fun-filled and sexually fulfilling weekend. But the sex in your marriage is almost quarterly now, like a corporate account. That can’t bode well for a young marriage. Continue reading
My dear Jil, this reminds me of a lovely movie I saw on my flight to London. It’s called A Most Violent Year. Directed by J.C. Chandor, its leads were Oscar Isaac, Jessica Chastain and David Oyelowo. Set in New York in 1981, it’s a very good drama with many layers of lessons. It’s simply the story of a young man who against all odds and temptations fought to preserve his business. Had Mafia undertone – you know, mob bosses. Continue reading
Jack, what she wants is your vulnerability and that can be scary. And not after all you’ve been through. It’s why you’re guarding your heart, holding back on the inside of you. You’re afraid of being exposed, not to her, but being exposed at all. You know she’s not your problem. She’s absolutely trustworthy. And she’s poured her life into the relationship. She’s in 200% – it’s total commitment for her. She loves you that much. But you’re holding back. And I understand. It’s not even about “What if…” It’s just that you’re wary of life. It’s more about being in control, not so much about being afraid of being hurt. Continue reading
Dear Jil, economics is what’s delaying your wedding not malice. It’s pure economics. Your future in-laws can’t afford the wedding. They’ve hinted and even voiced it but you’re not paying attention. If you want to marry, it’s better to address their concerns, or they’ll keep postponing the wedding. This is the second postponement, and though I understand your unhappiness, the fact remains they have an economic challenge. Continue reading
My dear Jack, look, you’re only dating this babe because she’s what’s available not what you really want. It’s like going to all those secondary school dance events in those days and all the girls are taken, except this one girl. Well, that’s the only “choice” you have so you dance with her and strike up conversation. But you soon become shackled to her when your friends begin to talk about you and her, ribbing you. And that’s how you find yourself in a “relationship” you never really wanted. Social pressure. You’re lonely. She’s available. That’s all there is to this relationship. Her sole value to you is utilitarian. Other things being equal you wouldn’t date her. You’re not attracted to her and she has traits you don’t like. But she’s lonely and you’re lonely, hence relationship. Continue reading
My dear Jil, adultery won’t solve this problem. It will only compound the issues. And you have to understand the hypocritical make-up of human society. The woman is always guilty of adultery, never the man. That illogicality is millennia old. Remember the story of the woman caught in adultery… the one brought to Jesus for confirmation of death sentence? “Teacher, this woman was caught in the act of adultery. The law of Moses says to stone her,” they said. As if the woman slept with herself, but that story illustrates the pious discriminability of a male denominated society. If the story ever gets out, and I pray to God this gentleman of yours is truly a gentleman, society will roast you. Continue reading