All Letters

Dear Jil,

A good relationship begins with a good choice of partner. So does a good marriage. Partner choice determines outcomes, flavours and progressions. Just think of the bonding of various chemicals. Some are toxic, some obnoxious, some volatile, some wonderful. If he’s not right for you or you’re not right for each other, the relationship has taken on issues before commencement. A bad partnership combination filled with hope is an anger fuelling bitter memory in the making. And that’s how the strange philosophy of “the reality of marriage” comes to being.

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Dear Jil,

I want to share an insight with you this morning. I had gone to the cinema with my wife and as we drove back I stared into the night through the window of my thoughts. And then a profoundness hit me.

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Dear Jack,

I am not ordinarily interested in wild nature or safari but for some reason I tuned to Animal Planet on Saturday. And my wife and I became riveted by the narrative of the rehabilitation of a chimpanzee named Charley into the wild. Charley had the scars of life all over his face. His face was marred and sad. He had been rescued from man’s cruelty. I actually thought he was a baboon until my wife corrected me. They all look the same to me! Baboons are different from chimpanzees apparently. And not just because they have red butts. (Baboon is derived from Middle French “baboue”. It means grimace. This probably explains my attitude! :))

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Dear Jack,

There’s a lot we need to learn about this animal called life. (I’ve chosen to be a student of life). The philosophy of life we adopt determines the outcome of our lives. Choose your philosophy carefully I’d say. The source of the philosophy of life we adopt must be proven, comprehensive in scope and robust. It cannot be limited or developed solely from our circumstances and experience. That’s the surest way to end up as prisoners of our circumstances and difficulties.

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Dear Jil,

Let me pretend this morning to understand where you’re at…that I know your pain. I pretend because no one can ever feel what you feel. No one can know the hurt. Such pain is individualised. Too many people theorise prescriptions about getting over hurt and pain. They’ve never been hurt in a relationship. I do understand how holding on to the pain can seem so natural. The pain actually keeps coming back at you, on its own.

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Dear LA,

A potential suitor recently asked why I wasn’t married. It was a loaded question and it came with a full set of assumptions.

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Dear Jack,

Today I’ll like to talk to you about the destructive power of negativism in a relationship.

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My dear Jil,

I met an extraordinary man named Richard Lef last week. Now you may think me a fabulist but Richard is over 300 years old! (Maybe, maybe not!)

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Dear Jack,

So you’re beginning to think about marriage. It’s nice to prepare mentally though I must warn you that no matter the preparation it still has its own surprises. But you’ll at least be better off than the man who finds himself married. And those surprises are not necessarily negative. Continue reading →

Dear Jil,

You’re in a tough situation right now. I know you’ve begged him and all that, and your family even got involved. But a man feels deeply hurt and betrayed in such circumstances. Put yourself in his shoes.

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