Tag Archives: Trust

My dear Jil, you know I’ve always expressed my doubts about your money-denominated relationship. Your marriage is now at an impasse, and if you don’t make a radical shift in values and philosophy, it will unravel. The record of your marriage almost reads like a bank ledger. The marriage is totally transactional. It’s all about who bought what, who didn’t buy what, who’s owing whom and who, what’s outstanding… That doesn’t feel like marriage. It sounds like commerce – marital commerce. Continue reading →

My dear Jil, let me tell you a story about two people who could have been. (We are going a bit deep in this letter. We’re going to explore the ventricles of the human heart). I want you to understand the workings of why we do what we do in a relationship, what motivates our actions. More often than not we’re not aware of these things, the effect of them. We’re too focused on ourselves. Continue reading →

Dear Jil,

Now this is new to me: You have an assistant boyfriend?! Sounds like football club set up… you know, coach and assistant coach! There’s your main boyfriend. And there’s this other guy you’re side-dating, secretly. So you have a primary relationship and a secondary relationship. Sex is not involved in the secondary relationship. Continue reading →

Dear Jil,

Judging by all you’ve said, you’ve got a wonderful gentleman. Seems trustworthy to me. But you don’t trust him. There’s a trust “gap” you’ve created… your 10% safety margin. He can’t bridge the gap. There’s virtual resistance. There’s a reservation inside of you – an illogical reservation… a just-in-case! A teeny weeny just-in-case! You find yourself holding back from him, not totally trusting him. Yet there’s no basis for it. Continue reading →

My dear Jil, this thing we call love, it’s not feelings you know. Feelings are like thermometer. It can measure heat but it is not heat. The palpitation of the heart you have – that’s not love; it’s just the INDICATOR of your emotions. And thank God for those palpitations. They interpret our feelings for us.

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Dear Jack, let me state this from the onset: It’s not going to work! I mean your girlfriend’s concoction. It’s an incondite relationship and she’s being most unrealistic; she’ll end up losing both ways. Chasing two rats at once is chasing none.

From your mail I see she used to date this other guy. But because of SS genotype scare they chose to call it off. Only they didn’t REALLY call it off. The liaison transmuted into “brother-sister” relationship; they’re like “twins watching out for each other”. He watches out for guys like you. He actually believes you’ll hurt her. He feels protective towards her, like an umbrella in a typical insurance cover advert. Her core is her oblation for the coverage. And she likes the feeling. In fact she’s ENJOYING it! It’s why she proposed the uncomfortable triangular arrangement. It’s some form of sharing formula – the mathematisation of her affection in pie chart configuration.

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Dear Jack

The problem is that some people don’t understand how important marriage is, or how powerful it is. Marriage is an ancient institution – a pervasion that is an integral part of every culture. Your wife is a very significant factor in your life equation. A wise man treats that fact with respect.

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My dear Jil,

I met an extraordinary man named Richard Lef last week. Now you may think me a fabulist but Richard is over 300 years old! (Maybe, maybe not!)

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Dear Jack,

I did warn you not to take your fiancé for granted. Now you’ve joined the League of Esau. Esau didn’t value what he had until he lost it. Then he began to weep for it. When you have something beautiful in your life, cherish it and be contented.

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My dear Jil,

You’ve got to find a way to scale your past.

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