Tag Archives: Worth

Dear Jack, I think it’s about doing certain things just because it makes her happy. Your desire should be to do things that make her happy. Especially because of the fact she’s been a wonderful wife to you; she goes out of her way to be supportive of you, sticks by you no matter what. There are thus things you won’t ordinarily do, but you do them because they make her happy. That’s the least you can do for her – make her happy. And so you stretch yourself to buy that birthday present, do your best to make the day enjoyable for her – make it a day she can be happy. You just want to see her happy. It’s what couples should do for each other – sacrificially make each other happy. And she need not know you stretched yourself to make that birthday memorable. Doesn’t matter. If someone makes you happy, make the person happy. That’s a mantra to live by.

Continue reading →

My dear Jack, that’s a false definition of manhood and you have all these false notions out there of what a man really is. It’s like those beer adverts that define manhood as the ability to consume beer. Of course you don’t believe that, do you? If you believe a beer ad that says you’re noble because you consume a particular brand of beer, you must be desperate.
Continue reading →

My dear Jack, let me explain to you how the world works so you won’t be discouraged, perplexed or bitter. That will affect your marriage. You may inexplicably take it out on your wife in frustration. Like you said, you’ve not got any response to all those mails you sent out asking for help. That’s because the world doesn’t operate that way. You no doubt have a genuine and passionate desire to succeed, which is why you wrote all those people in the first place. All you’re asking from them is for connection, and you’re wondering why they won’t grant you even the courtesy of response. It would seem these men and women are wicked, don’t want to help a youth. All you’re asking for is a chance.
Continue reading →

My dear Jil, don’t know if you’ve ever heard of a programme called Grand Design. I think it’s on BBC Prime. Cable. It’s an architecture programme – beautiful, lovely houses on a grand scale. Creative architecture, mostly modern. These are not your run of the mill stuff. These are incredible houses – the type you’ll want to live in. Tasteful. Non garish. Well, I liken your unfolding relationship to grand design, or shall we call it grand deceit.
Continue reading →

My dear Jil, the problem is you keep dating the wrong guys, it’s not that you have a string of bad luck with guys. You keep dating guys that are neither right for you nor care about you, guys who just want to exploit you. Funny thing is you know from onset these guys aren’t right for you but you plunge on all the same, just because you feel you must have a man.
Continue reading →

My dear Jack, I think you need to sit down and ask yourself what this woman means to you. It’s something every couple should do – both the man and the woman should ask what they mean to each other. Such an appraisal helps one uncover the true value of a partner. We tend to get lost in all those “husband” and “wife” titular stuff. We use the phrases so much they hardly mean a thing anymore. A “wife” (or “husband”) is after all someone you married. It’s taken as the result of an activity – the taking of an oath. It’s like “Mr. & Mrs.” It’s what you write on an envelope. Simply identifies sexes and marital status, nothing more. It can’t and doesn’t give depth to marriage. In fact, it has no usage inside marriage. In the same vein, “husband and wife” has come to represent co-joined status. If care is not taken it can be devoid of depth.
Continue reading →

Dear Jil, surely you can see these plans are asinine. I mean, how does it make it sense?! You’re dating a guy who lives abroad and hardly comes to town – may be once a year. So you don’t see him much. You face the typical challenge of long distance relationship. However much you do Facetime it’s never like being together. But instead of talking marriage, this man is talking about making you a baby mama. Why would you want to be baby mama instead of wife? And according to him you’ll have to stay here for two years after you’ve had the baby. You can’t travel to stay with him immediately. This allegedly is to ensure you don’t do menial job when you travel to meet him in UK! I’m lost and confused over this logic. So you stay two years apart so you don’t do menial job in the UK. Don’t get it, what’s the link?
Continue reading →

My dear Jil, there comes a point we must stop digging ourselves in, in a relationship that’s no relationship. If you keep investing emotionally and materially in a relationship knowing your love is not requited, you’re digging a hole. There’s that point in this kind of relationship when we need to cut our losses. I’m not saying it’s going to be easy. We’re talking years of life investment. But we can’t keep digging ourselves in, fooling ourselves we’re collecting clay to make bricks to build a relationship. The deeper the hole we dig, the more we’re caked in mud, and the more we disappear from view.
Continue reading →

My dear Jack, you don’t even know yourself though you think you do. You have no idea who you are. You just think you have self-knowledge. Young men can be that way – so confident and full of hubris. Only the confidence is vacuous. It’s what makes them prone to mistakes of choice of marriage partner – the confidence of ignorance.  Continue reading →

My dear Jil, I’m a little concerned about this relationship with this older gentleman. The age gap is considerable no doubt but that’s not really my concern. It’s him, what he wants. I’m not sure this gentleman wants you, or even loves you. I think he just wants to procreate through you. He has not been able to father children from his previous marriage. He has no offspring, hence you. And that’s the nerve of my concern – that he went for your youth as guarantee of feasibility of biological procreation. And so you’re both approaching the relationship from disparate perspectives. You’re genuinely in love; and his maturity and relative attainment give you security. He’s not in love, he’s looking for kids. It’s why your delay in taking in has given him concern. Continue reading →