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Letter to Jack

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My dear Jack, there are things called “issues of life.” You must be mindful of them. Continue reading

My dear Jack, that’s rather ostrobogulous! Boy, it’s weird! But what do you expect? Continue reading

My dear Jack, in my last letter I explained to you that life is going to happen to your generation. It happens to every generation. Continue reading

My dear Jack, at some point you’ll have to ask yourself what your wife really wants. Note that it’s not a generic thing common to all women. It’s something peculiar to her, something particularly her. When you know what that thing is – and chances are she’ll have told you in one of your conversations, then you have to look at the implications, understand the implications. If your wife for example tells you she “just wants to be happy,” commonsense dictates that’s not giddiness she’s talking about. It’s something deep, probably goes to her childhood. One implication is that she can’t handle strife at home. Some people are good at malice. They keep malice for months, and even years. Not her. For her, quarrels have to be resolved speedily. The more quarrels drag on the unhappier she becomes. It can break her down. She just can’t handle strife. Such a person can’t be vindictive of course. Vindictive people are retaliatory. They will do things to injure, hurt or spite their partner. Not her. Find out what your wife really wants, know the implications, respond to it. If you do every other thing and don’t fulfil that desire all your effort will count for nothing.

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My dear Jack, part of my responsibility as mentor is to share life experiences with you, share life principles. The whole idea is to prevent you from making my mistakes, help you avoid the missteps of others, and to turbocharge your journey. Mentoring gives you tuition. Better to learn by tuition than through experience. Experience can be very costly, even deadly. Not everyone survives experience. If you’re eliminated in the process of learning the knowledge does you no good.

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My dear Jack, you’re not being wise, are you? Your girlfriend suffers bouts of insecurity and you proceed to regal her with tales about your last girlfriend?! Even if your girlfriend doesn’t have bouts of insecurity why would you be telling her about the wonderfulness of your last relationship? Aren’t old things passed away? Of course she’s bound to think you’re still in love with her. What else do you want her to think? And women are very sensitive to that question: Are you still with her or not? Continue reading

My dear Jack, you should aim for a fantastic relationship with your wife, your marriage shouldn’t be perfunctory, mechanical or humdrum. That’s terrible for a young marriage. Marriage ought to be fun. There ought to be happiness, or what’s the point! I’m assuming of course you guys love each other. A marriage doesn’t make sense without love. You’ll be locked up in a mechanical contraption with someone you have no affection for. Continue reading

My dear Jack, the reason you fell into this trap is because you dated without recourse to reference. What do I mean by that? It’s like when you apply for a job. Your new employer will write your old employer for an opinion about you. You’re also asked to provide referees. These are not just formalities. They’re sources of intelligence. At that point in time those referees know more about you than what your new employer could have extracted in interviews. If you’re a crook for example your old employer will say. And if you were a wonderful staff your old employer will make powerful recommendation. The system bridges the knowledge gap for your new employer. It’s professional courtesy from one employer to another.

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I don’t know if you’ve ever met an angered woman. No, I’m not talking of a pugnacious, truculent or quarrelsome woman with feisty temperament. I’m talking about a woman angered by her husband. It’s a state of being. She’s just had enough. You’ll find this with some women in their fifties. They’ve taken enough. They’ve become totally rebellious to the idea of their marriage. They reduce it to dutiful proportions. They’re tired of being cheated on, being spit upon, tired of their husband not believing enough in them. They’re tired of men bullying them with wealth or status, degrading their gender. They determinedly decide to carve out an independent identity for themselves. They don’t want divorce, though some have been pushed into taking that decision. They just want to be.

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Dear Jack, two friends got married. One became successful, the other struggled to succeed. Yet both their marriages failed. Moral: both success and failure can produce a failed marriage. We tend to imagine only lack can break a marriage, but success can also break a marriage. It’s sad but true. Partners have to be mindful of the effect of success on their marriage.

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