Dear Jack, I’m sorry your second marriage broke up. You had so much riding on it, so much hope invested. Of course I’m taking a public stand in support of you. May not go down with religious folk but what have I to do with them. Grace says don’t condemn or judge others, that you’re no better than anyone. Continue reading
My dear Jil, this is what I’ve been trying to warn you about, and I wish you’d listened to me. In much the same way I tell Jack to understand women, you also have to understand men. It does make sense to try and understand the gender you’re going to marry. You need to know how men reason. It will make your relationship easier. You’d know what to do and what not to do, what to say and what not to say. Continue reading
My dear Jack, marriage is a very potent force. I’m not sure people realise how potent it is. A bad marriage can send you to an asylum on Mars and back. It can wreck your health, even cause death. I’m not trying to scare you, just telling it as it is, like I always do. I owe you the truth in good conscience. I’ve sat down to ask myself why marriage is so potent – spent time cogitating with myself within myself wanting to know why. Continue reading
My dear Jil, does faith or religion matter in a relationship? Well, I get this question regularly. In asking me this question, I suspect you’ve met a charming guy whose only disqualification for you is his faith. If we seek to answer your question from the proprietary perspective of each faith, we’ll get ensnared in relativism. So, let’s take a common sense approach to your question. Hopefully we can derive some wisdom. Continue reading
Okay, let’s talk about this “fit” we’ve been talking about. You see, there are three pressure points for men when it comes to relationship. They are the head, the heart, the groin. The order of course depends on each man. For some people the groin comes first, for others it’s either of the other two. A good choice takes cognizance of all three though. Continue reading
Dear Jil, to be honest with you, you’re in a quandary. Dating a separated man is tricky. It can go either way. There’s a probability it may lead to marriage, a probability; but there’s also the probability he may return to his wife. Continue reading
Dear Jack, sometimes we do highly consequential stuff without fully realizing. For example, a man can do something that greatly hurts his wife or girlfriend, yet he may not mean it that way. But if you see the agony of her soul, that should tell you how consequential your action was. It means you’ve hurt her deeply, and you must go and apologise to her, ask for her forgiveness, reassure her of your love. Continue reading
My dear Jil, can’t you see we’re all ridden with faults and imperfections? In classical expressionism, we’re all fallen short of God’s glorious standard. We’re in effect substandard messed up products. There’s no human without obvious and painful faults. You’re full of faults, he’s full of faults. Therefore a good relationship is not one in which parties are perfect but one in which parties are accommodating. Continue reading
My dear Jack, I came across this deep statement the other day: To the pure all things are pure. I took some time to reflect on it. It’s such a powerful statement. It means a given set of facts will be interpreted differently by varying sets of people, depending on perspective. I’m not so concerned about the moral dimension of the statement. That’s pretty obvious. I’m rather interested in the principle embedded. That is of more practical significance since it’s multi-applicable. Continue reading
My dear Jil, you know I’ve always expressed my doubts about your money-denominated relationship. Your marriage is now at an impasse, and if you don’t make a radical shift in values and philosophy, it will unravel. The record of your marriage almost reads like a bank ledger. The marriage is totally transactional. It’s all about who bought what, who didn’t buy what, who’s owing whom and who, what’s outstanding… That doesn’t feel like marriage. It sounds like commerce – marital commerce. Continue reading