Tag Archives: Marriage

Dear Jack,

You can’t be married and be so selfish, so self-centered and so irresponsible. You’re just going to destroy lives, and if care is not taken create bitter children. Marriage is not about me, me, me. It’s about her, it’s about us, it’s about them. (By them I mean the children). Continue reading →

Dear Jil,

You know it’s a bit hard to argue with those in the legalistic chambers of Moses about divorce. They insist there can be no divorce under any circumstance, until of course it’s their daughter, or sister. Sometimes it’s ignorance, and sometimes it’s that judgmental condemnatory spirit garnished in bigoted religious sadism. Continue reading →

Dear Jack

Look I know there’s all that stuff about wanting to make a woman want you and need you. Women have their own variant too. Indeed both sexes attempt the feat by withholding affection. Continue reading →

Dear Jil,

Judging by all you’ve said, you’ve got a wonderful gentleman. Seems trustworthy to me. But you don’t trust him. There’s a trust “gap” you’ve created… your 10% safety margin. He can’t bridge the gap. There’s virtual resistance. There’s a reservation inside of you – an illogical reservation… a just-in-case! A teeny weeny just-in-case! You find yourself holding back from him, not totally trusting him. Yet there’s no basis for it. Continue reading →

Dear Jack, marriage is a continuous education programme, especially for the man. That’s what Peter said. He said to dwell with your wife with knowledge. Means your marriage will always be an adult education programme. There are fundamental things you need to learn about women in general. (They’re different from us). But there is proprietary knowledge you need to acquire about your wife in particular.

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Dear Jil, the late Arch Bishop Benson Idahosa was a most interesting man. He had all these anecdotes, some so hilarious; but they were nuggets of wisdom. He famously illustrated a piece of wisdom with the story of two Volkswagen Beetles. You have a flat tyre, you drive a Beetle. Your neighbor has an extra tyre, he drives a Beetle. Why pray for tyre, he asked! The lessons are myriad, the simplest being the unnecessary spiritualization of commonsensical situations. And the unnecessary complication of otherwise linear decisions. Now, what I’m going to say to you is going to rub some religious folks the wrong way, but that’s okay.

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Dear Jil, I can’t over-emphasize this enough: marry someone you love, and who loves you! It doesn’t mean you won’t have quarrels. Couples disagree ever once in every while or less. But the love you have for each other will keep pulling you together. Love has a gravitational pull.

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I saw a wedding picture posted on Twitter the other day. Perhaps you’ve seen it too. The groom is dressed in a chiffon cape, had a silver crown on his head. His shirt, if we can still call it that, looked more like a blouse. It had a blue trimming of ribbon. To be honest the man looked more like the bride than a groom. He out-brided his own bride.

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WARNING: SOME EXPLICIT CONTENT

Dear Jack, of course physical attraction matters in a relationship. Life is not generic. We all have our taste. Don’t listen to those who over-spiritualise relationship. They’ll spiritualise Pure Water. Attraction matters! It’s dangerous to marry someone you’re not attracted to. You’ll set yourself up for sexual frustration.

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My dear Jil,

I just don’t get it! And to be honest with you, the facts are giving me a bit of headache. I do realize how much you want to marry. At your age marriage can be a desperate aspiration. Your mum’s despair is an articulated truck of cheap blackmail and constant nagging. She’s facing social pressure. Her 35-year old daughter is not married. But she’s the least of the issues in the circumstances. Continue reading →