All Letters

My dear Jil, what I’m about to tell you will not be popular in certain quarters, but I owe you a duty to tell you the truth. And anyway you have to take personal responsibility for your marriage and not subject yourself to groupthink. You’re going to create a fault line in your marriage if you continue jumping from one church programme to another irrespective of your marriage. You’re neglecting your marital duties. The kind of fault line I’m talking about is usually thin, hardly visible to the naked eye, but it runs deep! Continue reading →

My dear Jack, don’t take your life. I know the economy is tough right now, that things are tough. But it doesn’t mean you should take your life. You were born to overcome. It will be a huge waste if you take your life. The present troubles pale in comparison to the potential of your life. Continue reading →

My dear Jil, you’re about to nail yourself to the cross and you shouldn’t. We all make mistakes, each one of us without exception. Yes, some mistakes are more terrible than others; but we have to just accept our mistakes and live by the consequences sometimes. Of course that’s not easy but you must determine to live it down. Continue reading →

My dear Jack, you were eager for marriage, and now you’re married you’re complaining your wife is emotionally demanding. What do you think marriage is about? Of course she has a right to be emotionally demanding. Haven’t you heard of the law of demand and supply? Welcome to classical matrimonial economics. Continue reading →

My dear Jil, yes I do agree he has to carry you along. Marriage thrives better when couples carry each other along, put each other in the know. Continue reading →

My dear Jack, you’ve got to focus. If you want to succeed in life you have to focus. Focus means pouring your energy into something. It means putting in your all. Focus means avoiding distractions. And there are many distractions in life. Some are connubial. Focus means putting yourself on a material fast until you accomplish something. You avoid indulgence. You do delayed gratification. Continue reading →

My dear Jil, if there’s a prayer every father should pray for his daughter, it is, “May you not know a bad marriage.” The trauma of a bad marriage is unimaginable. And there are different layers to that trauma. Continue reading →

My dear Jack, ever heard of the word “tergiversation”? The word “tergiversation” means evasion of straightforward action or clear cut statement. You’re tergiversating concerning this young lady. You’re evading the question of commitment to her and you’re not straightforward concerning her status. You’re like the octopus. You’re polluting the water with inky blackness to facilitate escape. Continue reading →

It doesn’t matter. That’s a phrase you have to get used to in your head. If you want to have a good marriage there are things that just must not matter.

There are two levels of agreement in marriage. There’s vocalised/actioned consensus. Then there’s viewpoint. It’s non-vocalised. It’s just in your head. Your husband will do some things you don’t agree with, or say some things you don’t agree with. You can’t be in agreement over EVERYTHING. There will be different perspectives. Continue reading →

Dear Jack, yes, you said as much. You said she’s attractive. But let me tell you a little bit about that in marriage. You get used to it. Because you don’t live together now, you don’t see her every day. And so that attractiveness commands a premium. Law of scarcity. It increases value. But in marriage it’s not going to be like that. You’re going to see her every day – see her without make up, see her perform hygiene ablutions… You won’t see her in the perfect state you see her now. Continue reading →